In December, my father asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and all I could think of was a digital camera. I just didn't know how much they cost. We went to Office Depot, which is home of 2/3 digital cameras ever purchased for TW, and found the Intel Create and Share Camera. It was 150 dollars, could take around 90 pictures, made movies, and was small and pretty. I was excited. I liked it.
December 25, 2000, changed The Warzone dramatically. I thought up of the clever name "Go Digital" and suddenly, TW became the leading picture site in Baytown, because the Baytown Sun doesn't take more then 5 pictures a day.
Mr. Intel proved to be everything I wanted in a digital camera, and probably was the coolest thing ever. We all loved Mr. Intel, and he set the standard for digital in The Warzone during the glory days, which you'll read about soon.
Mr. Intel in the Forest
From December 25 - January 7, TW emerged into the areas of Honda Hills, or the woody hilly area near my house. Currently, there is a new subdivision in the spots now mentioned, but you can just think using imagery about what it once looked like.
Behind Bill's house, the forest started out as this path you couldn't see. We opened it up, and found Bill and his brother's old pit, that was about 5 feet deep. It was filled with water. Being around 35 degrees outside, we were freezing our ass off. We decided to create some mother nature, and fire started, and the first pictures Mr. Intel took were of us being bad kids and throwing magazines, which were on fire, I might add, into a 4 foot deep by 6 foot diameter. We even took a Christmas tree, lit it on fire, and watched the most incredible masterpiece!
We were saddened, however, when just about five days later, the pit, and the entire forest area just directly behind our homes, were bulldozed. It wasn't like they started building fast either. It took them at least a year to just start building roads!
We came up with a new idea: Take these 8 feet long branches, bring them back to the neighborhood, and show movies of us throwing them down the street and them breaking in half. Actually, you might think this is stupid, but it was one of the funniest things in the world to watch.
One day, Clair McPherson IMed me, and told me TW was the greatest site ever. Being someone I've only heard about, Clair became an employee on the spot, along with Andrew Masterson. Tommy McMahon joined the team as well.
In the beginning of January, right after the first week of coming back from Christmas, I went to Adrienne Flusche's birthday party, where I remet Kelly Kincl. Kelly and I used to hang around when he was outside back in the very darkness of day. Kelly joined the team almost immediately.
Brad Wilson and Cameron Kolaja also joined. Both had their own sections, unlike any other employee. All was going well for TW, but something big happened. It was called Krysti Whitcher.
Krysti went to Horace Mann for 2 years, and a year to Cedar Bayou. When she moved back to Baytown, however, every male in the freshman class went absolutely insane. Krysti Whitcher was the most talked about person in the history of the world during that month. January marked this spirital thing almost between Krysti and the world. I nicknamed her the messiah, and many agreed that was what she was.
When Daniel Balch asked me to get a picture of her, I didn't know what to think. But, when I pulled it off, the world turned upside down. The Warzone was found out to be the number one site in America that day, (but just kidding), and the world went to it. I was known as Jesus Christ during that moment of truth, and every guy bowed before me.
From that day, her and Brenda Pizana were in almost every Go Digital page till around April when people just didn't care anymore and I didn't care anymore.
The Warzone didn't hit much glory till glory was made in February.
Many misinformed first visitors of TW didn't really know what to think when they read the word fuckfest. At first, they thought TW turned into a massive porn site. However, it was quite the opposite. I have no idea why I labeled it fuckfest, but it became known as such.
On February 15, 2001, I declared the school day approaching a "fuckfest." I wanted to take as many cool pictures as possible, so I did. It basically came out to around maybe, 50 pictures, which was a milestone back then. It was almost a huge accomplishment. The 50 pics were put on TW, and not many people really liked them, cause it was just me, Adrian, Julian, and Bill being stupid.
On February 19, 2001, Bill had a weird idea. What if we went to Target in the morning before TAAS on that Wednesday, and have a fuckfest IN A STORE? It was the greatest idea ever, but he didn't go through with it, and I convinced him that it was a fucking awesome idea. The even better thing, we would meet Kelly and Tommy at Target. It would be the first time of me meeting Tommy, and the second time seeing Kelly since Adrienne's party.
The initial plan was to take a bus to school, walk off campus, and walk towards Garth Road. That proved to be a bad plan, however, because the rent-a-cops would come and shoot us down. I labeled Sterling as "Alcatraz" and called the field we wanted to sneak out of (South of where the West Parking Lot is located) the "RSS No Fly Zone." The ditch adjacent to Sterling was called the Tigris River. With all these terms firmly allocated within the group, we sent the message to everyone. I'm not sure what exactly it said, but it was invitation of the first thing to ever happen at such a magnitude.
Target - The First Fuckfest
Kelly and Tommy immediately joined the proposition. At 8:00 Wednesday Morning, Bill and I walked from my house, which is approx. 1.8 miles from Target. It took us around 25 minutes, but we were stopped at the Green Center across the street. They thought we were walking from the school to Target. We told them we didn't, and we were on the opposite side of the school the entire time, so that just wasn't the case. We continued walking to the Tigris River, where we met Tommy and Kelly. RSS and REL shook hands, and we combined forces to make TW, and on to Target we went.
Its unclear why we picked Target as the best place to have our first real actual fuckfest, but maybe the prophecies and fate landed me inside Target awaiting bigger and better things. Target was home to about five invasions, (equivilent to three people or less), and three major fuckfests, each that got better then the first one. Target is the number one store TW has taken pictures in. And, whenever I walked outside my subdivision, the reason was usually to go to Target.
Target became home to The Warzone, and now housed some of the funniest pictures. Kelly with the big balls was great, Bill and Kelly inside toliet bowl covers was better, me showing adhesive (for The Warzone's very own band, Plastic Adhesive), and Tommy holding a horse's balls, just shows the greatness in everything. Kelly dressing up as a prep was even better.
Target I, now named because of the three Target fuckfests, then went across the street, by shopping cart I might add, and got to Kroger. Leslie's Pool Supplies was invaded, and we bought some pool cleaner, and just started spilling it all over the place. It made our hands yellow. LOL. We then went into Kroger and bought chocolate milk, and that was the custom for each Target Fuckfest afterwards. Finally, we went back to Target, where we threw Bill from the shopping cart into the bushes like we were people from Jackass.
Tommy's mom picked Tommy and Kelly up, while Bill and I walked back to school. Many were surprised to find out about our expedition to Target. While the first one probably wasn't as funny as the last two, it was the most powerful. No one has ever done anything like that before. Who actually poses with merchandise and takes pics of it, while doing stupid things nonetheless? That's right, idiots, and/or, Matt Impelluso and company.
Clair and I had an idea that turned around the month of March for TW. Imagine someone else talking control of Mr. Intel and taking pictures!? Well, it happened.
Clair McPherson, Brad Wilson, Cameron Kolaja, and Steve McRenyolds all used the camera once, or maybe even twice, during the month of March, taking pictures of the people I don't normally see, and vice versa. It was really fun. Everyone seemed to enjoy those pictures too. It just all came together.
Cameron also created a section featuring Caricatures, and some funny stupid things he and Julian thought up.
Sometime in March, Jeff Delmonico wrote me a letter stating his apologies for the last year. He said it wasn't his fault, and that he really liked The Warzone, and wanted to be an employee. I think I agreed. I met Nick Reasoner officially, and he became an employee after a while. Brian Gustin was always once around, and we became aquaintances. TW was starting to create some sort of shape.
Life was just getting better and better. I had no worries. I had no complaints. Brad Thompson and I in band were becoming better and better friends, and I got many ideas from him for TW's site. We even ran a movie review thing, but I don't think it was successful, cause he had such crazy views.
Everyone from seniors to freshman were reading TW, and the crowd was increasing by moment. It seemed as if I was gaining power by doing nothing. Everyone from Travis Stanley (c/o 2002), Dale Meadows (c/o 2003), Brian Provost (c/o 2001), and whoever in the freshman class, seemed interested.
On April 8, TW had its second official fuckfest, involving me, Tommy, and Cory Canales. Actually, that will now be called an invasion, but at the time, I called it a fuckfest. We took so many pictures, and I think at the time, we beat out the current record at Target I. I was proud of all of us. It was great.
In late April, Calvin, Bill, and I, started going to Honda Hills and found this long slope where you can race shopping carts down. One night, Calvin and Bill went to the former store Albertsons The end of the second semester
With everything closing, there was going to be a big end of year party at Gook's house, so we all went, and Mr. Intel went to be the photographer. Sadly, we didn't take many pics, probably because we were staring at Kaci Fink the entire time, Jeff's band banquet date. I remember when she asked me if I had a website. It was pretty great.
After tons of laughs, including the totally famous "If you see a girl with a flaming puss, you'll know who it is" quote, the party for me ended.
The Warzone need an overhaul. Every summer, I usually update it to something way better then it originally was, but actually, it isn't better, its different from when TW first existed. This time around, I compacted AIM Shit, Go Digital, Thoughts, and a couple of other sections to the top menu, whereas instead of it being on the side, you clicked it on the top menu, where it usually said The Warzone. I added a quote to the top, and it was sexy.
The summer was relatively boring, and at first, we thought nothing was going to happen. In June, John Forse and I had a fuckfest in Fry's. That place was so awesome. I took most of the pics down however, cause there was sooo much code to right. It was around 90 pictures for only two people.
Calvin and I had to go to the mall to meet Ryan Dodson, who helped TW transfer from Frontpage 3.1 to Frontpage 2000. What a huge step. LOL. I also got many things I never thought I would get with the Office 2000 Professional package.
On June 21, 2001, exactly four months after Target I, Target II entered our lives. Bill, Kelly, Tommy, Calvin, and I walked from my house to Target once again. At first, Target II was called the SuperGarthFest, but we just renamed it to Target II, because having roman numerals after something is just awesome.
Target II was probably the funniest fuckfest and moment of everyone's life. Tommy, Kelly and I laughed forever. It was just, magical. I couldn't believe how much fun we had. After leaving Target, we went across the street to Kroger, and then to Office Depot, where we threw Bill into these small refridgerators. I think someone had to take a shit too, but I forgot.
Sadly, it started raining REALLY hard all of a sudden while we were walking to WalMart. We ran for our lives and entered WalMart, with everyone staring at us like we were absolute assholes. It finally settled down, and we walked back to Target. On the way, we saw there was an accident in the middle of Garth Road, but, what does that matter? We kept walking, and suddenly I had an idea: Lets steal a Target shopping cart and take it back home with us to Honda Hills!
Kelly knew it was a stupid idea, but we took it anyway. We were simply rolling the cart right down Baker Road. Well, a cop stopped us, and that was the end of that.