The History

The Warzone wasn't what it is today. It has gone through many changes, many formats, and many laughs and surprises. Now get ready for a History lesson, and get ready for dialectial journals and one hundred questions at the end.

Sports Weekly / Early TW

In 1998, yours truely invented this sort of odd thing - an ESPN Sportscenter version of a one sheet, comedic piece of paper, of why the New York Yankees and Richard Harris, class of 2003, either suck or are incredible. Of course, the Yankees won that year against the Padres, and Ricky Harris just sucked his own dick. I was in 7th grade, and my vision of The Warzone was no where close to where it is today. This paper was called Sports Weekly, and it was a page long. My current best friends at the time, Julian Premutico, Adrian Bullmore, and Bill Vickers, got a kick out of it.

One day, I went to Albertsons, and after three installments, I realized Sports Weekly already existed, so I decided for a name change. I was really into wrestling at the time, and I liked WWF Warzone, so maybe that's why I made my decision for The Warzone, but I think I'm a liar. I'm not positive on how TW was really named, but that does sound more valid then me just making it up.

TW had small issues since then, just within the little group. It was just something I liked to do. Not many people read them. It got to the point at the end of my seventh grade year however, that people DID start reading them, and LOTS of people liked it. The beginning of the paper

After a visit to New York by myself, and a week working with the Baytown Sun, I got an idea to make The Warzone a sort of magazine/newspaper, but the word newspaper fit best, and I decided to make issues every two weeks, most noteably every two weeks on the Monday.

TW's first official issue was "Matt in New York," an installment on what TW was, how it was made, and just some sample columns. It came out on August 16, 1999. The second issue was "No! School's Back" and dealt with how much school sucked. The third issue, the most controversial of the school, was "The Rivalry." There was nothing wrong with it, except this one little thing: This piece of shit girl named Megan Sullivan (who moved far far away, and she's a sophomore, or maybe in jail) bitched because I made her the Ass Toucher of the Month, one of the first and best columns TW has ever had. Ass Touchers of the Month involved us picking someone who just sucked and just wasn't cool. There was this one girl named Jerena Boogernaw, or some shit like that, ok, that wasn't her real name, but that's what we called her. Well, she was an Ass Toucher, cause her last name was Boogernaw. LOL, I mean, her fake last name.

I got in trouble for TW on September 31, or something like that, and got a conduct report. From that point on, TW was banned at school for selling, so we had to go to a new gameplan: Delivering.

Mailing the comedy

The way TW got run off was through my mom's job. She worked as a janitor at Beneficial, the loan company, and got paid like 10 bucks for just taking out the trash. I used their copy machine to make the copies. This made me trigger happy cause I could run off as many as possible. The subscription list came to about 15 or so, and that made me happy. During this time, I didn't have the internet. I didn't even use it before in my home, only at the library. Bill found a place for a free website at Well, it sucked then, and it sucks now.

It was late October when the first mailing issue came out, but it wasn't exactly mailing. Julian, Bill and I delivered the papers to these addresses, one by one. It was probably the most fun experience ever. I got to see all my friends and give them a hilarious newspaper. Many of them still have it, and I constantly get "I still have old Warzone's" whenever I talk to them.

In the first issue, many of you know the ever popular What's on my Mind, the only current still living section from the beginning of TW's time, was born, and was actually created by Julian, because I already had my own WOMM, entitled Author's Note, in the beginning of TW's newspaper. So, What's on my Mind and Author's Note merged to make What's on my Mind (lol), but more of funny/politcal thing at the same time.

The first mailing issue had 20 pages. That's pretty crazy for something just I write. But, I decided to top even that, and mail the second issue, which was an incredible 40 pages.

TW on the web

On November 22, 1999, TW encountered the biggest change ever in the history of its existance: A computer arrived on Matt's doorstep. To this writing, the same computer, same floppy, same cd-rom, same processor, same sound card, same motherboard, and fragments of the old hard drive still take place in writing of TW. On November 23, The Warzone Online was created, through I learned all my HTML because of Angelfire, and therefore, I love it. The first link was This doesn't exist anymore, sadly. I never saved the first site, because I had to delete it. I'll explain in a minute.

What's on my Mind, from the last issue of TW, was on there, and it included Marcus Mieux, and Craig Graham. Yes, Craig Graham. Well, Marcus said really naughty things, and I mean, naughty. This included very bad things directed toward teachers and so forth. Well, Marcus had already been in trouble with the school law for a while, and was on his second conduct report. I also had this math teacher that I really liked (not like that, pervertic assholes), and I trusted her. So, one day, I wrote the site on the board during her Pre-AP class, which liked me a lot. They went, it was fun. Right now, they are the current freshman of both Lee and Sterling, mostly Lee, since I went to Horace Mann.

The math teacher told my principal, the now athletic director of Goose Creek, about the site, and well, things got bad. I got called in. I was in big trouble. I already had one conduct report going for me. This would land me surely in ISS. I, however, got out of this. Marcus didn't so easily. It was so bad, his mother took him out of school, and flew him to Trinidad/Tobago, where he was born! This is not a joke! I haven't seen Marcus since then, and of course, he was pissed off at me beyond anything. Craig got away scratch free.

When this happened, my parents totally dismissed all my access to the internet, and I was no longer allowed to write TW. The legacy was over. The huge issue was just a memory now, and currently, the only issue I have of the final one is a coverless key copy, which is currently residing at Texas A&M University.

The Newspaper in Memory

The Warzone Newspaper was what some call a fake, but what others call a masterpiece. It was always favored 9/10 by everyone who read it. The ones who didn't like it are just like the ones that don't like it now. They just don't understand, and/or, they hate me.

In order, the issues go from here:

TW's old employees no longer have ties to The Warzone, although they once did, but that's a later story. While there were issues before these, they were never official, and the list is on the key that's being held at Texas A&M, because I'm afraid my house will burn down with me in it so I'm keeping it in a safe place.