WOMM - 1-03-03

This column is going to be fucking pissy. You know why? CAUSE LAST NIGHT, THE GIANTS SHOULD HAVE WON THE GAME. AND I'M NOT KIDDING EITHER. THEY WOULD HAVE HAD ANOTHER CHANCE. IT WAS PASS INTERFERENCE! DON'T BELIEVE ME? I HAVE THE YAHOO! STORY. THE REFS APOLOGIZED. WE PLAYED GOOD FOOTBALL. THE 49ERS CHEATED. CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT IT. I'M RIGHT. THE REFS LOSE. THE GIANTS SHOULD PLAY THE BUCS!!

Football weekend

I wanted to first emphasize this: I'm the biggest New York sports fan in Texas. I'm not the biggest in the world casue I can't watch every game, basically because, no shit, they don't show New York Giants / Jets / Knicks / Yankees / Mets / Rangers / Islanders games here, they show stupid Dallas Cowboy games and the even worse Houston Texans, who are a joke to our society. At least they beat Dallas.

Now, this weekend, I watched the Jets kick Peyton Manning's ass. This weekend, I also saw the Giants SUPPOSEDLY WIN THE GAME BECAUSE THE STUPID REFS ARE BIG PIECES OF SHIT!! THANKS!!!

People of the Year

Well, I think all of you lied. I really, really do. Well, here are the final results of the People of the Year contest. Please remember, I didn't make up most of the people categories, so don't hate me for choosing your name in the hate category. I didn't even choose any of those people.

Oh, I think you all lied, considering I won like two different things I shouldn't have won. Think this contest is rigged? Not unless I went to a different computer everywhere and voted. Guy Person of the Year - Yours Truly, 54% of vote
Girl Person of the Year - Tie - Kelly Ochoa and Sheridan Hobson
Most Hated Person of the Year - Mrs. May and Jonathan Yoo (Mrs. May doesn't really count)
Most Hated Unknown Person of the Year - Kelly Osbourne, 57% of vote
Funniest Person of the Year - Tommy McMahon, with 22% of the vote, and Matt Impelluso, with 44% of the vote. Tommy can't go without winning this.
Favorite Fuckfest - Target III (mine too)
Favorite Group - In categories: NIN (11%), Mudvayne (11%), The Used (14%), Eminem (16%)
Hottest Boy - Brad Wilson (22%)
Hottest Girl - Jackie Khulman (30%) with Blair Conder and Clair McPherson at both (24%)
Favorite Teacher - Mrs. McRenyolds (48.65%) and Mrs. Stanley (27%)
The Year 2002 Poll - A pretty good year

Thanks to the 37, hopefully different people who voted. Jeff, my apologies, I didn't put you on funniest guy cause I assume I was on crack. You are definitely better then a couple on that list.

Galveston

I was on the phone with someone the other day. I was telling her that I'm not as liberal as I thought I was - I was very traditional when it comes down to it, but of my own traditions. Clear Lake Galveston I was one hell of a tradition I wanted to repeat. Sadly, it lasted only one day, and that one day involved almost nothing we did on the first one.

Because of the thought of Galveston lasting two days long, I only took like 20 or so pictures. I left the rest up to the next day. There was no next day. The next day involved me doing nothing at Andrew's house, bored off my ass, calling the Alpha Centauri Space Shuttle to save my comrades Thomas and Kellino from the hell of being so bored at someone else's house so far from commercialization. We only had one vehicle, and the owner that vehicle, Bradley III, decided he wanted to stay put.

Now, Galveston wasn't a horrible fuckfest, it was just an un-finished fuckfest. We never went to Colonel Bubbie's, the store I've been dreaming about for so long. Instead, we stood an hour in this store that resembles a trash pile - its the Goodwill. Now, I'm not saying that the clothes in Goodwill suck...its just the atmosphere. It smells like a big pile of shit, and the only cool things there are Power Ranger toys and movies, which Tommy still hates me for not buying the first Power Ranger episode.

Andrew and Brad were on this frenzy where they had to buy records for Andrew's turntables and so forth. I thought it was a waste of time, but who was I, I mean, I just created Galveston I last year and gave Andrew the idea. And, Brad was our driver, so I had to be conciderate of what he wanted to do.

We got to Colonel Bubbie's at 4:03. It closed at 4:00.

I think inside of me, I wanted to blow the entire world away. I loved Colonel Bubbie's with a passion. I wanted to do it in the butt. I loved it so much...and now, I had to wait another day.

So we go along the Strand, not really finding anything cool. We go to La Kings and have us some pretty, pretty, hot chocolate. It was really all Amy's idea to go there, cause she was freezing her ass off. Of course, Kelly has to be gay and get a milk shake, but it was pretty damn awesome.

THE ROCKY THEME IS AWESOME BUT I HAVE TO GET BACK ON TOPIC NOW!!

Anyway, we leave Galveston, before circling the island just about, and we get home around 7, and the night ends. Before that though, Tommy calls a sleepover at Andrew's (just like last year), so we all go. The plan was, everyone sleeps over, and we go to Galveston in the morning. Sadly, this never happened. Galveston II is a small piece of shit fuckfest that never worked well. It started late, ended early because of taking too much time in places that didn't really matter, and too many people. When you have too many people in a fuckfest, it doesn't work.

Galveston II brought back memories, brought in some sex, but it didn't have the impact of Galveston I.

Burger King

If you like Burger King, you might as well skip this section.

If you hate Burger King, you might as well start laughing.

Kelly told all of us on Galveston II that Marley loved Burger King and that she hated McDonalds with a passion. This set me into a huge outrage of everything. I love McDonalds. I would die for McDonalds. I would eat large fries every day of my life if I knew I wouldn't turn into a fat ass like Rachel. (For those that don't know Rachel, she weighs less then ninety-five pounds).

So, I called Marley at her grandma's house. This is how the conversation went:

"Hi, is Marley home?" - Me
"Yes, hold on." - Someone
"Hi Matt! What's up?" - Marley
"HEY, I HEARD YOU DON'T LIKE MCDONALDS!" - Me
"I HATE MCDONALDS THEIR FOOD..." - Marley
"YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE YOU! MCDONALDS KICKS BURGER KING IN THE ASS! I FUCKING HATE YOUR STUPID MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE! BURGER KING TASTES LIKE BIG PIECES OF MOTHER FUCKING SHIT! [takes phone and places it in the air] HEY MARLEY, I'M RUBBING THE PHONE ON MY CROUCH RIGHT NOW [and I do it, and hang up.]

I hate Burger King. Their food tastes like shit, its expensive, and people that like Burger King usually don't amount to anything in their life because they're so damn dumb. Take offense to that Burger King lovers. I hate all of you, but just kidding.

Marley, you just have to realize, Kelly and I love McDonalds more then Ray Moore loves God. Just remember that.

And one more thing, McDonalds Chicken Nuggets should buy this website in exchange for 500,000 chicken nuggets, cause I'll sell it for that.

Waldenbooks

The other day, Rachel and a bunch of little kids and I were looking at these relationships books at Waldenbooks. They involved..naked pictures. It wasn't porn, it was just sexual advice, and pointing out sexual parts of the body.

Well, I was yelling and screaming as usual, this time about sexual terms, and the cashier came by and asked me if I was 18. I said almost, and laid the book in the art section, and calmly walked off. Ok, btw, I looked like I was 90, but with all these little kids around me, I wasn't. I wish I would have said yes and flipped him off and ran out of the store because it would have been hilarious since he was fat and couldn't keep up.

Why do you have to be 18 to look at stuff that teaches you how to have sex? As soon as you turn 18, does America acknowledge that your ovaries and testes have gained enough sexual stamina to have sex? I mean, really, Jesus of Nazareth. It wasn't porn. It wasn't wrapped up. Jesus Christ.

The Hives took nine years to become famous, and all other bands, it takes them about 4-5 years. The Hives are also swedish, therefore giving us another reason to absolutely hate them.

On a brighter note, Rachel Barajas is a piece of shit.

School != Cool

That basically means, in terms of C++, School doesn't not equal cool. Ok guys, I'm fucking screwed. I've been going to sleep at 5 every night and like waking up at 1:30. I'm deadly screwed. I'm more screwed than Monica Lewinsky when Clinton was in office. I'm more screwed than Kelly's cat when Kelly gets bored at night and is horny. I'm more screwed then getting caught having sex with a guy in school and the teacher walking in on you. (AHHH, THAT WAS HARSH MATT YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT). Oh yes I should.

Rachel told me that if Kelly said the word nigger really loud in Lee he'd die. Kelly, I advise you give it a try anyway.

Ok, this is what's going to piss many of you RSS people off, and make the REL people laugh at us, but that's ok, our football team can kick their ass...wait, sorry, that was in the year 1972....

RSS has held back our PSAT scores. They've had it since December. Why? Because REL's stupid asses don't have it yet. Come on. That's shit. That's total shit. I want to know if I died or if I won on that test. Because, here's the deal. I want to get in a good college. I'm not talking about anything around here. I'm talking about NYU or something like that. Oh, all of you that think you want to go to NYU I hate you because I don't want your stupid asses in my hometown unless 1) you're a semi sexily cool person and 2) you enjoy big huge crowds waits and shit like that.

School isn't cool. At least we got only one semester left. The first semester sucked. Oh, btw, get ready to make bad grades. The 4th Sixth Weeks is the worst Six Weeks of all of them, according to the Matt Impelluso Foundation of the Gay and Lesbian Children of Idaho.

Get some sleep tonight, or else tomorrow...FUCKY!!!

PsYcHo MaTt 316: dude, i got it
PsYcHo MaTt 316: lets make a chocolate milk drink called matt and tommy's excellent chocolate experience
PsYcHo MaTt 316: and it'll be so chocolately, people would choke and die
ReLBadboy15: LOLOLOL
ReLBadboy15: excellent chocolate experience....great stuff nigs
PsYcHo MaTt 316: LOLOL
PsYcHo MaTt 316: we'd be famous
ReLBadboy15: no joke
ReLBadboy15: i have to carry out the after-cereal flavored milk on my own though
ReLBadboy15: that's just too genius to share
PsYcHo MaTt 316: LOLOLOLOL

RSSpAki: fall classic was soo boring unless bonds was batting
PsYcHo MaTt 316: yeah, i was really pissed that the yankees got out, considering i love them forever
RSSpAki: haha yes we all know that

Employees

I think I have an idea. I'm going to now announce the veteran employees of TW! YAY! YAY!!!

Now to announce, who's TW's number one fan? I think it basically has to come down to the person who's IMed me laughing the most, and someone who nearly died when I put TW back up. That person definitely has to be......PIECE OF SHIT RACHEL BARAJAS CONGRATULATIONS YOU WIN A FREE PIECE OF SHIT THAT COMES STRAIGHT OUT OF ALL THE VETERAN'S ASSHOLES!

Well, I'm done making fun of Rachel. If you don't know, Rachel says "I don't care if you make fun of me in my WOMM I'll stil laugh." Well, I hope it worked, cause I sure as hell did. Anyway, I'm going to bed late tonight because of The Used concert, which should be a sexy experience. I'll take some pics. Then Bert will cheat on Kelly Osbourne with me. That'll be awesome.

-Father-

http://www.thewarzone5000.com/gd/2003/jan03/030103.html