WOMM - 1-10-03

Only one fucking class period I get into on Wednesday, I'm already notified of the news for the entire week: Our history teacher is giving us a test on Friday about stuff we learned over a month ago. My facial expression: You would think I'm gay, that's how wide my mouth was. Too bad I'm not, or else it would have been perfect for you, Rachel.

Well, most of us when we heard the news were so fucked up from not sleeping, we just sat there like, "Dude, is she fucking serious?" and the girls were like, "What? What? Is this chick on her period?" and of course, Cameron was just asleep. We were all wondering one thing though - What all measures do we have to take now to cheat in History?

Exactly, we don't have to take measures. For all of you that don't have History AP, we get a free fucking 90 for a test grade, BECAUSE YOU GET TO CORRECT IT BY GOING AROUND THE ROOM AND ASKING QUESTIONS DURING THE CORRECTION! Man, can anyone say, we're awesome? Thanks!

School Sucking

An approrpiate title for this week. I mean, has anyone hated school more then this week? Getting older and older, it seems every day longer we're in school, we want to kill ourselves more and more. I haven't done work yet.

"Matt, what's reality?" Blake asks me as I'm walking to the commons. I look around the vacinty, look back at him, and say, "Not this."

I was forced to in Computer Science to take a quiz, but all I wrote was "cout << 'I hate this' << endl;" in the code, which basically writes out in a program "I hate this." Also, today, Nick and I got in an argument that intentionally brought the entire class lesson to a standstill and we were all being stared at. Nick was copying Matt Wurzie's program. Now, here's a quick C++ lesson. "do" and "notdone" are both certain commands in C++. You usually use "do" when you're trying to do something, obviously. I have no clue what "notdone" means, cause I was laughing the whole time.

"Dude, Nick, what are you DOing?" - Matt
"What do you mean what am I doing?"
"There's nothing in your DO statement"
"There's not supposed to be"
"Yes there is"
"No there isn't" - Nick
"Yes there is"
"No there isn't"
"Dude, YOU'RE NOTDONE!!!" - Matt

Everyone that heard me blew up laughing, and Mrs. Phillips stares at Nick and I. We can't stop laughing and she keeps staring. It was the worst pun ever on my part but it was so incredibly awesome. Computer Science gets better and better. You're not allowed to bring food in the room. Well, Vanessa has a fundrasier in basketball and she's selling M&M's in this huge box. Mrs. Phillips made her put the box in another room because there was food in the room! WTF? I mean, really now, were the M&M's gonna jump out of the fucking box, open the bag up by itself, and melt on the keyboard, mouse, or monitor? Or, even worse, fucking open up the computer case itself and melt on the motherboard?? Man, teachers are so dumb sometimes.

In Webmastering, I'm looking around listening to my teacher talk about how cool Ryan Dodson's designs are. I'm looking at them and I'm like, Ok, so, anyone can do this. Just look at over 50 images of Nick in his Designs section, which is almost exactly what he did. She wrote his site on the board and everything. I bet it got like 500 hits just today by looking at it. Well, we get over 900 average a day so...

"Dude Matt, what are you going to do when you're older?" Ryan asks me in webmastering. "Not this," I say, shaking my head.

I mean, if someone can do something, its not hard to them. To me, The Warzone looks like a piece of shit, but everyone is like, OMG MATT, THE WARZONE LOOKS BETTER THEN MY MOM! Well, thanks I guess, considering your mom is really hot, but damn it, stop making assumptions that I took like 60 years building this thing and that everyone's hobby takes them forever. Brad could probably write a poem in ten minutes if he was in the mood. Nick could take a shit and draw a design in his mind. That would take an average of 30 seconds, no joke. I could think of a sexy new look for Walking 49 while in the shower and make it in 5 minutes probably. So, next time you see a sexy image, think, hey, that's nice, AND MOVE THE HELL ALONG!

In English, we got our PSAT scores, while trying to do a SAT assignment. When asked why we took the PSAT's, I replied simply with "Peer Pressure." I died on the PSAT's, while Brandon Allport and Logan "My butt is big" Boatright won. They both are one of those girls who are 1 percent in the nation of smart people. Well, fuck you guys, I'm in the 100 percent.

In Pre-Cal, as soon as I walk in, I have to get a new ID badge. As many of you know, robbers stole my ID badge from my jacket two weeks ago at Cardi's in Houston and my jacket was thrown all over town. I have my jacket now though. They just took the ID badge. 5 bucks for 32 cents down the drain.

In Physics today, Mrs. McRenyolds went absolutely insane and declared war on anyone who hates America. I totally lost, btw. She kept going on and on about how we help every country, how the French are idiots for hating us when we saved their ass in two wars, how bombing the world's oil supply isn't exactly cool, how we should avoid war at all costs, how we almost lost World War II, and all this shit. She kept saying how many people would wish to have a Physics book in front of them in the Phillipenes. All I have to say, is Mrs.McRenyolds, I love you. And to all the Phillipene Kids, don't take Physics, EVER. ITS NOT COOL ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DON'T PAY ATTENTION AND SINCE YOU DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH YOU WON'T BE.

"Mrs. McRenyolds, we learned more history today in PHYSICS in this 15 minutes of class then we have EVER in AP History with Mrs. May." - Cassie DeAnne

"Mrs. McRenyolds for AP History Teacher" - Matthew James

"You think you know, but you have no idea. This is the story of your mom." - Jeff

The Brooklyn Girl

"Dere's no guy livin' dat known Brooklyn t'roo an' t'roo, because it'd take a guy a lifetime just to find his way aroun' duh fuckin town." - Only the Dead know Brooklyn, by Thomas Wolfe.

Many people know that on July 19, 1986, I was born in Brooklyn county, also known as Kings County, in Brooklyn, New York, at Brooklyn Victory Memorial Hospital (or so its called now). Now, what the hell does this have to do with being funny or related to you?

Well, one girl thought the way I said Brooklyn was cute, because of my, you guessed it, Brooklyn accent, which fades by day. Well, now, I have another inside joke with someone, but actually, now with all of you, that when I say Brooklyn in front of Vanessa Whitaker, she can think in the back of the mind, "I got you, you stupid Brooklyn asshole!"

On Sunday, while the Giants beat the 49ers (COUGH), during halftime, I was talking to her friend Katie, and well, Vanessa just fucked me over. She told Katie I was born in New York. Well, they got out a map of New York from online, and said that Katie transferred here from Brooklyn this year. They even made a true statement saying that Katie was supposed to be a junior but that the credits in New York didn't add up here so now she's a sophomore!

Of course, I totally fell for it when she told me her address, 12th Avenue and Beverely, which I thought existed at the time because, well, I mean, I'm not a fucking genious at intersections in Brooklyn, and my map wasn't real clear whether it existed or not.

So, all throughout the weekend, I kept trying to get in touch with Vanessa, because "Brooklyn Katie" was really excited and wanted to meet me, and so did I. Well, on Wednesday, I expressed my interest to Vanessa and she gave me this smile that I knew something was up - then she wrote me and said Katie was born in Lake Jackson and moved to Highlands four years ago or something.

Once again, Matt Impelluso is screwed over, BY EVERYTHING!!

Well, I announced this story to my history class, and everyone was laughing at me, and then saying how mean it was but laughing at the same time considering how I loved Brooklyn with a passion and Vanessa just devasted my dreams of meeting my dream girl from Brooklyn with a Brooklyn accent and knew what trains she had to take to get where ever. Props to Vanessa for a good one, and good guessing on her part, because I never told her I was born in Brooklyn, she just guessed out of one of the five boroughs.

I told myself, "If Vanessa wasn't hot, I'd hate her forever." I shrugged it off sadly but with a stupid "I lost" grin on my face in History. In Computer Science, Vanessa wrote on my book "Hi my name is Katie and I was born in Brooklyn - hahahaha." Ah, New Yawk.

Alpha Centari Fun

Alpha Centari Space Shuttle II is the name of Nick's new van, and boy was it having fun tonight. The movie gang (Me, Nick, Ryan Settle, and now including Jeff) drove to Clear Lake to see Narc, with Jason Patric and Ray Liotta. It was pretty good, go see it if you can. Oh, don't if you don't like the word Fuck. They said it more then I ever had in my entire life.

Before however when we got to the movies, there was a huge ass wreck on 146. Traffic was actually backed up on it! It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. I've only seen traffic on that road TWICE, and this was the second time. Here was the cool part though: The wreck was a cop car, and it was really fucked up. Good job, considering a cop in Tennesse killed a family dog because it was wagging its tail at a police stop and was coming up to the cop. I just want to say, that cop should FUCKING ROT IN HIS OWN FUCKING SEMEN, MOTHER FUCKER. YOU KILL A FRIENDLY DOG, WE SHOULD KILL YOU.

Also, a van that looked exactly like Nick's was doing like 110 on the bridge. We called it family man Nick.

On the way back, more sexy things happened, This didn't involve a cop's car dying, but cops definitely were involved. On Decker and about a little north of Baker, we see on the opposite side of the road that there's a wreck, and cars are backed up. Nick immediately speeds to Bayway, and we see a fire truck going on to the scene. We follow the fire truck to the wreck, but we're too far behind to get good pictures, but we got some, as seen in GD.

Since we were stuck in a one way area on Decker, Jeff got bored. He took out Nick's van's console, this thing that's in the middle of the seats that you put shit in, but its removable, which is so sexy. So, Jeff takes it, and the runs fucking outside with it! It was so god damn funny. Then, Nick, Ryan, and Jeff run out of the van (this is at 10:15 at night btw, and cops and firefighters are all around), and Nick does a cartwheel, and runs around the car in front of us. I take several pictures of this whole riot, and it was so damn funny. We laughed for a long time.

The best part was though, going backwards on Decker. We weren't going backwards, but we were going the opposite direction on a one-way. It was so cool. So, this is why Nick and the gang are cooler then you:

Ok, its like 1:47, and I'm really fucking tired. I hope you guys enjoyed this column as much as I did. I love you all. Check out the two newest GD's. Also, remember Walking 49 plays next week at the Engine Room!

-Father-

P.S. Rachel's gay.