Never before has a fuckfest had so many records broken on one day. Here was all that was made into TW's history books on February 22, 2003:
The home of it at all: Baytown. Target in Baytown started so many things for TW and for myself. If it wasn't for this piece of land being bought by Target, where would the name "fuckfest" be right now? Probably no where.
Target has also brought us unhappyness. They seem to hate us now. The last two fuckfests there, we were almost kicked out. So, lets start from the beginning.
Ok, first off, I would just like to say, Kelly Kincl - you fart way too fucking much dude. Ok guys, get this. Kelly's intense farting was so bad, the Houston Chemical Plants were offended. Shell and Exxon just left the competition.
We went to Walmart first to buy batteries. Here's one of the reasons why I hate Wal-Mart. Hicks go there that think they're Jesus Christ. Well, since they're not, and I am, I got really mad. There was a Ford Explorer parked in TWO parking spaces that we could have parked in. Well, Tommy solved that problem, and kicked the vehicle several times. Illegal? Yes. Deserved it? Definitely.
After Wal-Mart, I packed my batteries in, and Target IV was ready to rumble. We went to Obee's for some good ole fashion sandwiches, which I might add, kick Subway so hard in the nuts that Subway should run out of business all over the United States. After some sexual food, we ventured over to Target. Some woman parked in this space, and Tommy rolled down his window and said something stupid to her kid, so we got scared and went somewhere else to park.
Inside Target, Tommy met Allison, who was just over there, and they started walking around. Jeff, Kelly, and I walked around taking several shots. I met up with Allison and Tommy. Soon enough, Allison left, and the fuckfest continued along.
It was running as planned, just having some sexual fun. But, as in Target III, when Elizabeth the manager bitch told us we weren't being good guests, in the same area, the sports section, something bad happened. Tommy and Jeff kept throwing a football around, and well, Tommy either has a totally horrible throw or he was trying to destroy everything around him. He finally lost it and threw the football several aisles over. We started walking off because of the throw and didn't want to get too much attention to ourselves.
Well, of course, nothing goes our way in Target besides the fact that we own the store (what a strange paradox, huh) and some old ass bitch saw us. We called a mayday, demanding all of us get out of the store. We couldn't find Kelly. When Kelly passed by, he said the woman was telling the person on the phone that "a couple of boys were destroying things." Stupid bitch. Anyway, we met up with Kelly halfway out of the store, and we made the same exact getaway as last time - everyone staring at four young disgusting looking boys.
We packed our bags and made our way to SuperTarget in Pasadena, one of the largest Target's ever.
This Target went on without a hitch. It was the Target we took probably the most pictures in. The only problem with the store was, it was so incredibly huge. I'm talking about, this place destroys Wal-Mart. SuperTarget is so much better than SuperWal-Mart for so many reasons. First off, SuperTarget isn't a magnet to poor, minority-like people (even though I fit perfectly in this category) and isn't cluttered with hicks who have less then 2 bucks to spend, because there's some way in Wal-Mart where you can last a week on food for 2 bucks.
SuperTarget showed not only me but the rest of TW how insane we can get. There was a blood pressure machine and we all found out that all of us have some kind of defect. I also noticed from the blood pressure machine that Jeff has a vagina. Don't know how that happens though.
No problems emerged at this Target. We didn't even do anything really dumb, well, out of pictures that is. We saw an old man playing Poker on a little handheld. I thought that was pretty funny.com/oldman, but yeah.
I got nothing more to say about this Pasadena Adventure besides this: Kelly threw a milk container that was named "homo" (even though we couldn't find Nick anywhere) clear across several parking spots, and it made a nice pretty explosion. Mr. Sony saw it, caught it, and touched it.
This Target seemed most adventurous. Being the old Target I went to when I lived in disgusting Clear Lake for a year, I remembered the store well.
Besides Tommy taking a belt and whipping me, we took the front cover picture. That picture makes me want to touch myself. It's gorgeous. I love it.
Not only that, but Kelly decided it'd be really funny if we started running out of the store as if we were wild animals. Well, it happened, and it worked. Of course, I run .000005 miles per year, so it took me a while.
With only twenty pictures left, I decided Mr. Sony had to join us at the last Target in Kemah. Because of the pain of carrying two bulky cameras, I decided to have Mr. Sony stay with us in Baytown and in Kemah.
The last Target of the adventure was actually the worst. Not only did it look exactly like the Pasadena store (meaning the way it'd work is - we wouldn't find anything different at all), but some disgusting woman told us to stop taking pictures. It's store policy. Fuck store policy, I own Target.
When that happened, I put a TW logo on the table made out of chess pieces. We took some pictures anyway, and then basically walked out of the store. Tommy, Kelly, and Jeff however (with me taping outside) decided to tell the woman who told me not to take pictures that she "sucked dick" and they ran outside like maniacs. The only bad news about this was they went through automatic doors, which means, they had to wait while they were running for them to open. LOLOL.
In the parking lot, Kelly attempted to throw Tommy's slushie all over this Porsche. Sadly, he didn't do such a good job.
On the way home, very hilarious things happened. I was stupid for putting Mr. Sony away, but this is what happened: A huge stretch Lincoln Navigator limo was passing by, and cut Jeff off. This enraged Jeff and set him into a huge honking spree. Tommy and Kelly then joined in, with their windows down, yelling and screaming.
The back window of the limo opened, and a bunch of guys and girls dressed like they were going to prom were in it. One girl flicked us off. On the other side, an asian-mexican looking guy who was uglier than my ass got his head out of the window and started cussing right back at us.
It was a yelling war for a while to Jeff got the 4runner to the side where the limo was. We then started flicking off the driver, and he rolled down his window to yell at us, but Jeff got away. We wanted to go back and chase the limo down but it was too late.
End of story. Target IV ended with all of us going to Jenna and Tim's house. Tim supplied me, which I supplied Jeff, Tommy, Nick, and myself, with the greatest Sim City ever - Sim City 4. Man, it's so beautiful. Target IV was extremely fun. I would like to thank my comrades Thomas Earl, Jeffrey James, and Kelly Michael for putting on a superb performance. Check out Target IV on Go Digital.
Ok, Nick made me mad on Friday night. One of the reasons why he didn't want to go to Target was because he had to work on his boat with Jeff for Physics. Then, he complained about having to work on the English Research Paper next weekend.
This is a statement to every teenage student in America: The entire purpose, definition, and reason we have a weekend is to get away from school. That throughly means - don't do work. Have fun. Rest. Have some lesiure time. Nick DEFINITELY isn't the only one that decides to do stuff like this on the weekends.
First off, whenever you get a project, do it during the weekdays, not on the weekend. That's not a suggestion, its a command. We only have little over a year and a couple of months of all of us being together, and we really need to spend as much time as possible out on the weekends.
Second off, don't do homework. It's much more sastifying getting an A in a class when you don't do your homework but on the day its due.
Third off, don't follow my directions for number two if you want to get into Yale or something.
Fourth off, just because you're like, in the top 10, doesn't mean you're smart. You can seriously be really dumb.
I don't know why I've brought this up. Just, realize something. Working on the weekends and ruining time with your friends will cost ya, I promise, NICK, FOR MISSING TARGET IV. Thanks! :)
BTW, TAKS on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Can we all say, "AHHH! SCHOOL HAS BIT MY PENIS/VAGINA!" Well, never mind, some guys (Jeff) and some girls (Rachel) like it rough.
Ok, there's two groups out that hate Pepsi right now. These don't include people who actually don't like Pepsi because of how it tastes. One is the damn Rap Association for hating on Ludacris. When people saw Ludacris in a Pespi commerical, they went absolutely nuts and took him off, and Pepsi claimed it as "bad language, don't want to associate that with us" and well, now, you can all see the Osbourne commericals with Pepsi.
Ok, well, Pepsi was dumb for that one, but uh, don't stop drinking Pepsi, cause it's awesome. It's kind of like something I say. If I said, everyone who hates Pespi is a faggot, then all of you would hate me. But, you wouldn't stop looking at TW unless you felt SO STRONGLY ABOUT LOVING COKE THAT YOU HAD TO LEAVE.
Second is this group that hates Pespi for the STUPIDEST REASON EVER. Pepsi tried something very good in my opinion. They put the Empire State Building (YAY) and the Pledge of Allegiance on the can, except the words "Under God." The people boycotting Pepsi however said, "Well, Pepsi didn't want to offend us, so we won't either, because our money says Under God on it, and they won't get it." FUCK YOU. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? PEPSI IS ONE OF THE BEST DRINKS EVER IF YOU DON'T AGREE JUST THINK THAT COKE DID THE SAME THING INSTEAD, OR DR.PEPPER, OR, FUCKING COORS LIGHT IF YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE TEENS THAT DOES BAD STUFF (and we all start laughing). Pepsi didn't want to offend the many Muslims, Hindus, people named Kent (who doesn't say the pledge because he thinks its idol worshipping), Buddhists, and any other religion that doesn't think God is the cool guy.
I suggest this. All of you that read dollar bills and see "Under God" on it and care that much for it, do this. Take the dollar bill. Roll it up real nice and tight. Then, open up your buttcheek. Once its open, stick it in there. You'll feel a really painful sensation, or if you're Tim, you'll really enjoy it. Now, next time you take a shit, it'll be all shat on. That's how I feel about you fucking boycotters to Pespi, stupid shitfaces.
Just realize one thing. Not everyone in America wants "Under God" in our pledge. Many people hate it. Many people want that part of the pledge to die. I mean, I want to, but many people don't, and well, go you, I mean, its a free country, you have the right to like that lyric. But, don't spread your damn beliefs because one of the biggest, if not the biggest, cola drink in the world decides that Under God shouldn't be on their damn fucking can.
Go Pepsi - right on - I love the way you taste - and well, guess what, I don't give a shit what you put on your cans.
That's really all I have to say. Hey, if you see a file that is missing or doesnt' work, contact me, PLEASE. Lots of people have been finding bad files and the only person that sees them a lot and tells me is Rachel cause she's cool. So, tell me. I took out some links that didn't work today.
Thanks for your help.
MARCH 3 - INAGURATION OF THEE TO GOVERNOR OF THE JUNIOR CLASS - 6:30 P.M. BRING FRIENDS, FAMILY, PETS, AND MOST OF ALL, ELECTRICAL APPLIANCES.
-Father and Governor-