WOMM - 2-27-03

Well, basically, I had tons of mistakes in the last column I wrote, mainly because I wrote it at around 12:00 in the morning Monday, and I was so tired, maybe I didn't know what I was writing. I made a huge mistake explaining TAKS - It wasn't three days. Somehow, I got totally confused. I'm not sure how or why, but maybe you can just say I'm a big piece of shit. Or, maybe I'm not, maybe I'm just, skinny. I don't know.

So, I'm going to write this WOMM totally over, even what I said about homework, because I forgot to add in a MAJOR THING to put into consideration, and that's people who are busy on weekdays.

ID Badges

I started laughing and crying when the announcements came on this morning. Hutchins decided it'd be great to finally enforce the rule where we must wear our ID badges at all times. Well, that rule was already in place, but of course, three security cops can't stop 40% of the entire student body refusing to wear ID badges. And, even with this new policy, it can't work to well either.

Starting Monday, the three rent-a-cops, teachers, administration, and your mom are giving out conduct reports if you do not have your ID badge on. [Everyone looks around the room with a sad face, then blows up laughing.] Well, in my English class, that didn't happen. First off, we're so wasted in the morning from no sleep we do absolutely nothing and can't function. Second off, we're in such a shock that our stupid administration actually is doing something about us not wearing ID badges that we were speechless. Third and finally, we couldn't believe that they would use something like a conduct report - which goes on your permanent record - if you don't wear a piece of plastic.

I got an idea. This idea will work too, so just listen. It's called a "turnstile." Many of you know what this is, except you've never heard it called like this before. When you go on a roller coaster ride at Astroworld, its the thing you go across and it's basically a huge hit counter. Well, my idea is just as sexy. This time, we'll steal the concept of the "fare" in New York.

That's a picture (above) of the turnstile we should have at school. That machine in front of it reads a card called the "Metrocard." If any of you have seen my wallet, you'll know how many of these I carry. With the card,you swipe it through, and then you can go through the machine.

So, here's my idea. You take these machines and you place however many possible going across the wall in every school entrance we have. For smaller entrances, such as the history wings, english wings, and band hall - you don't have as many turnstiles. For the main commons doors, you have them extending across the entire wall. The front entrance will have their turnstiles right when you get into the main hallway, for the sake of visitors entering the school to get to the office.

For the East Annex, you have the turnstiles gated. Once you go over that overpass where the buses go through, a huge gate comes by and sweeps you across. The turnstiles catch you and you go through them, then entering the stairways.

When you are leaving a building, you don't have to swipe your card through. You just go through the turnstile like at Astroworld. When you enter the building of course, you will be forced to find your Metrocard and swipe through to get to class.

Your new ID badge becames a sort of "Metrocard" except it has no fare inside of it. We of course arent' going to pay the school money to get places. But, if you have no 'Metrocard.' you can't enter the building! Therefore, if we have this system, everyone in the school building will know you have had your ID badge and that you're a legal school student or official.

Now, this is no easy way out. Each turnstile costs like $5000, and the school is so cheap, they charge us $5 for a 32 cent ID badge. Therefore, this will never ever happen in the school system. Second off, it will never happen because our school district is so stupid they can't think of any other option better than us wearing plastic around our necks.

I was thinking today about why we were ID badges. Why do we? Identification? Well, that SEEMS to be the purpose, right? Well, get this. How many of those three security cops, one of them I might add is from Playboy, one of them weighs 600 pounds and was born in Mexico, and the other who's just a bitch in the first place, actually know are names? How many of them actually check to see if we have someone else's ID badge? That was brought up too. If you wear someone else's ID badge, you get screwed over with a conduct report PLUS OCS or ISS. Can anyone spell out lame? G-A-Y! Great. I'll like to see some cop stop me for actually wearing my ID badge trying to see if I am wearing my ID badge. There's no chance in the world unless I'm cussing my ass off in front of them that they'll stop me for WEARING an ID badge.

Today, I already saw signs that the cops are trying to crack down. I put on my ID badge for about a minute going to the East Annex. Then, I took it off. I'm not messing with a gay conduct report. I think it's the stupidest thing ever. Some guy who wants to shoot down the school can just wear an ID badge while doing it. There are so many flaws with our security it's not even funny. I suggest definite changes. Either they get some real cops at our school to give us some sense of security, or just get rid of ID badges altogether. They don't protect us. But, we already know that. I slapped myself in the face the other day thinking my ID badge would protect me. Instead, when I slapped myself, I also slapped the ID badge onto my face, leaving a major imprint on my cheek. I'm sueing the school for that one.

Basically, I say wear your ID badge in the hallway, hell with it in teacher's classrooms cause most of your teachers probably don't care and if they do 'PDA'

For you tech geeks, many of you think this section will be about a Palm Pilot. Sadly, it's not. It's me complaining about how stupid are school is. They are putting a ban on "Public Display of Affection."

So, I'm wondering. If high school is supposed to prepare you for college, doesn't that mean that they are totally unpreparing us for gangbangs, fuckfests, and wild sex at the fraternities around school, THAT ARE SCHOOL-FUNDED I MIGHT ADD? Now, I'm just being stupid and dumb, but it's true.

Starting now, I can't kiss Tim, Nick, or my baby, Jared, anymore in the hallways. Wow. I feel like I'm in elementary. So, now we have to wear pieces of plastic, and we can't kiss in the hallway. Damn. I feel like I'm a Jew now.

Now, don't get me wrong. I absolutely can't stand people who are about to take off their clothes and have sex all over the floor. I mean, Tim and I have our limits, jeez. Those people should be hung at sight. But, you know what, now, no one really knows what "public display of affection" actually means! Because, is that as innocent as holding hands, or is that as bad as recieving oral sex in the restroom? Speaking of sex in the rest room, a guy in my theatre class got caught jerking the chain in the restroom. Man, PDA to yourself. Sounds like a Nick Reasoner Tall Tale.

Man. This makes me want to vomit. At least I won't get to see ugly people making out. Don't you hate that? Two ugly people making out or kissing? Vomitory. Thanks.

So, this PDA idea. Basically, my viewpoint is - EXTREMELY STUPID for people who actually are decent in public, EXTREMELY NECESSARY for disgusting, fat tubs of lard who think it's cool to make out and lick each other's faces in front of my prescene. Thanks. This rule needs to apply to certain people ONLY.

Just Stuff

Don't really have much to say that will have a proper name for this section, but I'll just add some announcements.

For my sake, I want to invite all of you to come watch me and Blair Conder walk together at Governor and First Lady on Monday Night at 6:30 in the RSS Audtiorium. Come clap for me, yell stupid things at me, or whatever. I just would like to see the best support from all my friends. I might even try to get a group to get some dinner afterwards, all of us, with me in a tux.

The show is an hour long, but it won't feel like it most likely.

To all of you - Sim City 4 could possibly be the greatest thing Maxis has ever done. It is the most addicting and challenging game I've ever played. Not only does it deserve brain power but precious time and planning. With that said and done, Doom III, where are you, I want to blow some monster ass off. To Tim - thanks Tim, so much, because you made almost all of us copies to the best game on the market.

I would like to add that Laughingstock, the movie Jeff and I are making, will release it's official trailer over the Spring Break holiday. I bet you guys can't wait.

I would like to apologize for the bad performance this month on TW. There weren't nearly as many hits as last month, but I think there is some blame for the server being weird occasionally. Expect March to be as wild as ever, especially with Spring Break coming up. That's going to be great.

I don't have much to say. The reason why this is so clean is because on Monday, they will announce the site on Governor and First Lady. Expect a very friendly WOMM those couple of days right after that. That's just a warning. I actually may write the most horrible column ever if I feel like it, but just in case.

Anyway, I'm done. Tim's been dying to read this. I love all of you. Come to the ceremony and join us afterwards in a great party and celebration.

-Father and Governor Matt-

P.S. How could I forget? Rachel is such a gay shit face