Thank You. I am Matt Impelluso, and this is the site that started it all - TW.
Finally! Governor and First Lady Ceremony came about. March 3, 2003. What a great night. I should just start at the beginning of the day. It was so beautiful. The day was just overall great. The only bad thing was the stupid wet fire evacuation but that's totally ok.
This morning, I woke up earlier than I ever have - to finish a balloon in which I completed all by myself, with the help of smart girl Glynis giving me directions over the phone, and her tying some string and gluing one last thing to the balloon. 6:45 in the morning. I walked around thinking, "Who in their right damn fucking mind comes to school this early??" And, I looked around at these people, poor innocent disgusting people, who decide it's great to come to school 45 minutes before class instruction.
On Sunday, Tommy, Jeff, and I made some flyers, which you can see right above this paragraph in full color. On the back, however, was a funny funny picture, of a very old man. This old man has nothing to do with anything. He's just a god damn old man. And, he's really funny. I mean, I don't even know him, and he looks more hilarious then Tommy and I combined times like, Kelly or something. That picture is right underneath this paragraph.
These flyers, which got to school right on time thanks to my mother, were passed out. 96 in total. I had 100, but I saved one sheet just to remind myself how sexy I am. (One sheet had four flyers). I think the best thing about that was - 100 flyers cost me $3.25, TWO SIDED. I definitely want to do this again. Next time maybe advertise TW or something, or how damn gay Rachel is.
LOL, I can just see it today. "A girl that goes to Lee that none of you know is a flaiming homosexual. Her name is Rachel 'I'm a gay' Barajas." LOLOLOL, let's all starting singing Come All Ye Gayful now. Rachel will definitely be stepping up to the stage for that one, doing some polka dance.
Ok, back on topic. One thing that angered me today. Don't remind me that I'm not actually Governor. Governor, yes, is for seniors, and is the ruling party of the entire school. I am a FORM of Governor, the Junior Governor Representative. But listen people who think I'm such a bastard for putting Governor on the flyer - in my heart, I know, that I'm Governor, that I'm a leader, and that I deserve if anything to run and be some sort of Duke, Lut. Governor or Governor next year. So, don't remind me. I know I'm not. Let me live my life. I'm Governor - to me, and to all the people who think I'm a pretty person (pretty in all forms of ways as in people like me) - and that's just how it's going to be. Congratulations to my fellow Governor courts Josh and Kevin, who I know nothing about besides they play sports and they look pretty in tuxes.
I already had my tux for a while, and for those of you that saw it, many of you fell in love with me for such a beautiful outfit I chose. Believe me, I took lots of pictures of myself. I'm going to be conceited and say I looked pretty Monday night, and those of you that don't agree, are ugly. Thanks.
Basically, today was really great before the ceremony. What really made me tick though was that fucking fire-drill. Are you being serious now? Unless you're a god damn forsaken son of a bitch, why in the fucking hell would you take down the fire extinguisher and start spraying things? This guy shouldn't expelled, he should be hung in front of the school so we can see his face and throw tomatoes at him. I'm not talking about small tomatoes. I'm talking about like, the size of basketballs. Get some of those geneticly mutated tomatoes.
I'm so glad I didn't wear my tux to school today because of being in the rain for almost ten minutes. I enjoyed being out of class though, cause no one likes school, duh, I mean, shit, how many times do I say that in a second? 84 million? Great glad we all agree.
It's time! The ceremony came along and I was nervous about dancing with Blair cause I didn't want to look like a fucking moron. Well, I did anyway, but not as bad as the guys who didn't even MOVE while dancing. Thanks. I might be a bad dancer, but they didn't dance at all.
So, I know I'm going back in forth like our history book. But, the night started at 5:30. I got to school in my tux, and we all had a major discussion on where to put our boutinier (sp). We all agreed the pocket was the best.
After much farting in the backstage, and Chris Widner and Josh Andrews clapping, snapping, and picking up huge pieces of plant furniture, the show began. We walked out, meeting our girl, then were announced. What they said about me headlines this column, the first thing I said.
Dancing with Blair was somewhat of the worst part of the night because I felt so stupid. It's Blair Conder. This girl is like, one of the hottest girls..ever. But, yet, I didn't care, I danced like an idiot, only thinking about getting it over with, talking to her while dancing about dumb stuff, and the night ended. It was so crazy how many people took pictures. It was the fucking paparazzi.
After pictures with my family, one with Blair, one with like, every person that came with me, but not really, it came to the point where it was time to celebrate. Outback definitely brought in the celebration. Outback
Outback was awesome. It was the perfect place to go for the dining. Not only that, great conversation starters, and definitely a great laugh.
On a serious note, I would definitely totally absolutely like to thank the people who came to support me beyond anything. Nothing in this world could repay the thanks I have for all of you. Blake, John, Allison Page, Jeff, Tommy, Glynis, Dottie, Steve, Kelly, Chris, Lowell, and Brian. That sould cover everyone. I'm so sorry if I missed someone but I doubt I did. Thanks guys, and thanks Lowell, for the toast. LOL.
The night was great. Singing, laughing, and best of all, putting like 16 knives in one huge cup of root beer and me getting up, pointing it to the sky, and saying "Dedicated to God and myself" For those of you that don't see that as complete irony, think about what religion I am, and when you come up with nothing, laugh some more.
Let me also add that our waiter, Eric, was the greatest person ever. We must have left 30 dollars of tips for him. He gave us a new glass of our drink every 15-20 minutes. Awesome server, for like, 13 people, that's just great. I spent a shitload of money though, 30 bucks. Made me mad. But that's totally ok. Please remember I'm a poor boy from Brooklyn.
Speaking of Brooklyn, when they announced I like going back to Brooklyn, I started clapping to myself. It was great. Thanks everyone who yelled when they heard my name. LOL.
Just some shit
Just wanted to add some shit here. I want to say Hey to Ben, who's sexy and nice, funny as shit, is a freshman, and considers me his idol. Please dude, I can't be, I'm not old, disgusting, and walking with a cane yet.
Thanks Loser for helping me on my balloon. :)
Calvin, you're never going to be an employee cause I'm too lazy to sign you up. Sorry baby.
To the people who have seen the ABC trailer, enjoy it. If you haven't and you have Roadrunner, direct connect with me, immediately.
Stepa - check out their music now. If you want a cd, I'll be happy to make you one. They are too great to pass up. THEY'RE COMING TO BAYTOWN SOON! THIS IS A NATIONAL BAND! NO JOKE!!!
Check out Target IV if you haven't cause it's the best thing since me naked. Ok, nevermind, that'd turn you off unless your name was Tim.
Speaking of gay people, Rachel is gay too.
I'm done here. This was unlike many columns but you know what, it was nice. Thanks to everyone who voted for me and had faith. My name is Matt Impelluso, and I was born in Brooklyn, NY, on July 19, 1986, at 12:45.
Congrats Mrs.May for having her baby. Teach him cuss words ASAP.
P.S. Rachel = Shitface