This column will be unlike any other. Today, I'm going to announce declarations of war, boycott, and martial law against so many groups of people. This week has turned into a week where I've decided to increase us as a military power, or in other words, make us look like a form of government in response to all this bullshit that has gone down. Hopefully you will agree with my declarance of war to many groups, because all of them have common reason of hate.
In other news, I would like to now write about Blake's girlfriend, Rebecca. Born in Czechloslovakia, she's daughter of Slobadon Milosivic, currently in International Prision for the death of many of his own country's people and others in the region. Rebecca is one of the nicest girls I've ever met. She has a big butt and I want to take her boyfriend in my arms and hold him like she does. On a positive note, Rachel Barajas is a stinky smelly Iraqi who eats worms that come out of Saddam's butt.
In declaring war, we need to mock the United States government in their "color-coded" terrorism chart. Instead, we will place a "Severe, High, Elevated, Guarded, or Low" chart in place for ID Badge Checks, or for Cheating based on the amount of tests given in the week.
Genius? Yes, I made it up myself. Yesterday for the Physics test, I put a "Severe" the highest response of cheating on the chart, because of course, that test was absolutely the worst thing to ever happen in our lives. I just stood there with a smile on my face talking to Jenna and wondering why everyone in the room was screaming and yelling like we were at the NYSE. Don't know what that is? Get the hell out of this site cause you're an idiot.
Since I know you didn't leave, it's the New York Stock Exchange.
So, in reference to ID badges, I'm putting the East Annex - Main Building entrance for an "Elevated" chance of the rent-a-cops trying to stop you for not wearing your ID badge. For all other areas in the school, I'm putting the checks on "Guarded" for ID badge checks. Apologies to Omeed Trabizi, a war prisoner at ISS right now for being taken up for not wearing an ID Badge.
For cheating, this week will be "Elevated" considering it just started. I have no idea what tests will be this week besides Mrs. May's brutual DBQ essay that we'd take on Monday. But because of having a homosexual sub in there that won't let us talk because she conforms to the United States Government on being gay, cheating in that class is less of a chance of Rachel not being a homnosexual, which I might add is near to impossible.
Speaking of teachers who assign three tests in a row (Thursday, Friday, and Monday) I've decided that we're being treated like India back in the 30's when Britian ruled it. Our teacher hasn't been to school in about two weeks now, just like the British abandoned India but kept it in rule with their own police back in the day. I suggest someone becomes Gandhi and stands in front of the door not letting the class get inside so we don't have to do worksheets we won't do by not writing bullshit anyway.
Besides that, I also want to add with AP tests coming up, the SAT coming up (please click here if you haven't signed up yet!) school work should start to get less limited and more instructional on these tests, which basically means, if you hate DBQ's and free responses, I think this is very bad news. In English, I like writing those essays and doing exceptionally well on them.
In English, the scoring system basically is - do good on your multiple choice, and you have to get 18 points total for your essay. Therefore, you can make a 6,6,6 on your essays and worship Satan (cough) and still pass the AP test if you do well on your multiple choice.
I'm ASSUMING History is the same, but many of you have already decided not to take the History AP test because Mrs. May is scaring the living shit out of us and making us shit out aliens scared of that test. I'm taking it anyway cause I'm poor and I'd only have to pay $5. Yay.
TAKE THE ENGLISH AP TEST! If you haven't signed up yet, which I know few of you are stupid enough NOT TO, sign up now! You can get away with financial benefits and save 800 dollars for an English class like this in an university.
To San Jose: Update 1
Progress is definitely going along for me in the mission to San Jose or Saint Joseph as I called it last week. I recieved already $400 from two Italian companies my father is affiliated with in some way, which shows Italians help Italians but don't give a fuck about Americans. Good. Go Italy.
More news coming in is that Trey might be going too because he got invited. That'd be awesome cause Trey and I could do ultimate pranks to each other and by the time we'd get home Trey won't have an asshole and I'd have a shaved head and no moustache. But, not really. Not sure how that's going, just IM Trey repeatedly till he gets so tired he blocks you.
I would like to thank the generous help from Amanda Klaus's mom, Stacy, who has been helping me daily. She sent in my letter to Bill Gates but I doubt he's going to give me shit cause he's full of himself. I'm going to go around to many other businesses this week to ask for help since I'm poor.
If you like me and your mom works at a rich company or something and they're probably generous, tell me about it and I'll send you some information. No one is going to respond to this but it's worth a shot and I have nothing else to say.
If you missed it last week, I was accepted to go to the National Youth Fourm of Technology in San Jose this summer and I need around 2300 bucks to go there.
Declarance of War
Since last year, I've noticed more and more that many of you have extremely homosexual mothers. Sometimes, it's even to the point where running away from home, shooting yourself in the face, becoming extremely depressed and/or frustrated with life becomes more and more evident to your friends.
Verbal abuse, sadly sometimes physical abuse, not allowing your child to go out more than once on the weekend, forcing mandantory cleaning of an entire house just to go out for the night, requesting straight A's when that's nearly impossible for the totally disgusting teachers we have, not letting your son/daughter date older/younger guys/girls, not letting you spend your own salary for yourself, grounding their siblings left and right, demanding too much, and horrible curfews are all what I'm talking about.
Now many of you are like, but that's not so bad. YEAH, FOR A FUCKING 5 YEAR OLD. In a little bit over a year, many of us will be 18 and be free to do whatever the hell we want. With many of us 17 or about to turn 17, I'm wondering - do these parents think that they'll control what their son/daughter does after they turn 18 and leave the house?
I've decided that this will be one hell of lengthy campaign. Yes, we've declared war on AOL, the Disney Channel, Cartoon Network, Lowell, (just kidding Lowell) short fat Oriental people, people with oversized heads, and many other dumb things - but this is the only thing we can all agree on. These radical mothers need to be stopped. They need to realize that they do not control these stressed teenager sons/daughters and they are causing severe other problems for the people friends with these sons/daughters.
We live in a society where we need to have fun. We can't just stay in and study all the time. We need to have sex, we need to go the movies, we need to go bowling....well, that's all to do in Baytown so I'm basically done. Getting out of the house means absolutely everything to most people, like me.
Luckily, my parents were raised in extremely NOT conservative communities so they adjusted to the move to Baytown and we respect them and they respect us. I haven't gotten grounded in like, three years. I'm not going to either because I don't do stupid dumb things that would cause that, that and my parents don't ground me for stupid ass shit that many of your parents do ground you for.
I'm sick of this southern society where if the law enforcement or the school system fails you, arrests you, and it isn't your fault, your parents automatically side with the school or the law. They won't even listen to your side.
WELL THIS MUST STOP! I HAVE CALLED FOR WAR WITH ALL MOTHERS AND FATHERS ALIKE WHO ARE RUINING THE VERY FOUNDATION IN WHICH ME AND ALL OTHER KIDS WHO HAVE COOL PARENTS CAN HAVE FUN. YOU ARE RUINING THE VERY EXISTANCE OF THE TEENAGER AND I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU. MOTHERS HAVE CAUSED ME TO BE KICKED OUT OF MY EX-GIRLFRIENDS HOUSE, NEVER BE ABLE TO SPEND TIME WITH ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS, DISALLOWED HER DAUGHTER TO DATE ME, AND PUTS MY CURRENT GIRLFRIEND THROUGH ABSOLUTE HELL. IT'S OVER! IT'S ALL OVER!!!
ALL OF YOU, BROTHERS AND SISTERS OF THE WARZONE, END YOUR TORMENT AND TELL YOUR PARENTS WHO YOU ARE. WE'RE 15/16/17/18 YEAR OLDS. NOT 5 YEAR OLDS. WE DEMAND FAIR AND RIGHT TREATMENT BECAUSE WE GIVE YOU FAIR AND RIGHT TREATMENT. WE DON'T LIVE IN A PURITAN SOCIETY. WE LIVE IN MODERN AMERICA, AND INDUSTRALIZING BAYTOWN, NOW EQUIPPED WITH A NEW CHILI'S WHICH IS TELLING US TO GO OUT AND EAT BABY BACK FUCKIN RIBS.
I HATE YOU DISGUSTING MOTHERS! ALL OF YOU! IF I EVER SEE ANY OF YOU AGAIN THAT I DON'T LIKE, IT'S OVER! ALL OVER! GET READY TO RECIEVE THE FRIENDLY, POLITE, FAMILY-ORIENTED, G-RATED FUCK YOU FINGER IN THE FACE. THANKS. WELCOME.
To all of you that have cool, wonderful parents like myself: Go up to your parents, give them a hug, and tell them Matt loves them. Then when they say, "Who the hell is Matt?" tell them, "Future Communist Mayor of the greatest city of the world" and when they say "Baytown?" slap them in the face and say "New York." THANKS.
Alright, I'm done.