What's on My Mind

Apologies, English SUCKS, Hot Dude

April 7, 2004

In the past two weeks, I've been walking around like I have an AK47 strapped to my back, and I enter every room like I own it. Maybe that's just arroangace, maybe its even big-headedness, but this website has been off the fucking charts the last three weeks, and I want it to continue that way.

April is looking to be the biggest month in TW history, and I can't even wait to see the numbers surpass that of October, where we averaged 280 unique computers a day. So far in April, we have 288, and that number should grow. Next week, we're passing out 1,000 flyers at Lee for the Hot Dude Junior Finals and the Senior Semi-Finals. And, in an extremely weird idea, we're passing out 2,000 flyers to two schools near Katy, TX. We'll see how those Katy faggots like us.

Apologies

Ok, I lied to every one of you. Number one, I haven't updated TW in a very long time, but when this whole Nigger controversy came up and everyone was like, "HOLY SHIT MATT IMPELLUSO AND BILLY BROOKS ARE RACIST?" And everyone is just trying to pull their god damn fists out of their asses, it turns out that us saying Nigger had nothing to do with the cops.

Someone thought they saw a gun on the website, that was actually real, and that we were breaking the law by holding one since none of us were 18 at the time (looked like it happened around sophomore - junior year). Well if that's the fuckin case, lets get up and celebrate, cause no one was holding a live ammunition gun near my pussy ass, and I can tell you that fucking much.

Thank the fuckin Lord for it not being that we said Nigger, because we've said such worse things, such as Jew, Gook, Ricepicker, Cunt, and the occasional Rachel Barajas. I mean come on, we listen to Dillinger Escape Plan, how the fuck could we be violent and racist? ;)

Obviously, Billy Brooks isn't giving up on his hilarity on the newsboard, continuing to offend people daily. Thank you Billy, for your contributions to this website, and for your penis.

Another apology is to God, because we are definitely the most blapshemic people in Houston.

A Human Slew of Fuckfest

Fuckfest after fuckfest and A Mastication and a section devoted to a forest and a section devoted to Robots and a section devoted to the 2003 Hot Babes - wow, we're just giving bang bang bang action lately on TW. And I am loving the response. I am fucking love it.

The Kingwood Fuckfest was the biggest fuckfest in history, it probably will never be beat, and if it ever is repeated, we better start deleting server space fast. The Kingwood Fuckfest was 28.5 megs, and the Chicken Fry Fuckfest come in second with 23.3 megs. I would like to thank Trent Coots for the use of his camera, Mr. Sony. Trent and Natalie Scott also took numerous pictures for Powder Puff. Thanks buddy, you helped us right when we needed it.

If many of you are confused as of what is going on, last week, Mr. Canon suffered a tragic death. I was in shock over two things: 1) We walked out to Honda Hills and noticed it was fucking being demolished. Honda Hills is probably the haven for Bill, Mark, Jeremy and I, living in this neighborhood all these years has shown how attached we can become to a forest we love. Now, we are endanger of never making fires again, because they're creating the Baker Road connection, and they're about to start building a new subdivision right next to ours.

So I say, HOLY FUCKING SHIT, we have to take pictures! I turn on the camera, and that fucking jew's lens gets jammed. So, Mr. Canon has passed away on March 29, 2004, the biggest hit day in TW history with 51,000. I will never, ever forget that day.

The Honda Hills page up above was a tribute to the first month of us hanging out back where the subdivision is now currently built.

Lee's Prom also helped us bring numerous amount of hits to the website. Thank you Tommy and his new camera "Master Fuji" and Kelly's Mr. Sony for contributing to the pics. You guys looked fuckin awesome, especially tbe black man playing the piano.

I was going to go to a Car Show today in Houston, but due to the fucking weather, I'm dead and can't go. There goes a picture perfect oppurtunity.

Important Dates

April 7 - The Masticators, Sophomore Primary Voting
April 8 - Pneuma and Last Ride In at The Elbow Room, $8; TW Primary for Future Plans, ALL DAY
April 9 - Every Time I Die, Scarlet, Black Dahlia Murder, and As I Lay Dying at Fat Cats; The 2004 Hot Dude Contest Sophomore Finals, The 2004 Hot Dude Contest Junior Semi-Finals, The 2004 Hot Dude Contest Senior Quarterfinals
April 10 - A possible trip to San Antonio
April 11 - 9:00 end voting time for 2004 Hot Dude Contest
April 12 - Off day, thank fucking Jesus
April 16 - One year anniversary - The Masticators; Hot Dude Contest
April 17 - Texas Massacre II at the Baytown Fairgrounds

There's more dates to come, but for the next couple of weeks, that's all you should care about. Well, not really, but ok.

Ridiculous

As a Senior, I understand that school shouldn't just end in January and we do nothing for the whole year. I mean, life goes fucking on. But the fact of the matter is, a lot of people are failing right now unneccessairly because of extremely terrible assignments.

In English, the Poetry Criticism, the Poetry Test, The Awakening Test, the Practice AP exams, its all fucking bullshit. We are not going to let down till the very end and that's fucking bullshit. Our teacher is cool and all, but we've made it. Let it go, lets have a celebration! Lets enjoy English but no, these assignments keep coming on in.

Then today, I thought the STUPIDEST thing happened. Everyone who signed up for the AP Test for English was brought to the Girls Gym. Everyone who didn't went to class as usual. We went to class alright, and then the fucking WORST THING EVER WAS WAITING FOR US. AN AP FUCKING PRACTICE TEST!!!!!

When Mrs. Floyd walked in the room, I asked her, "Why??" and she was like, "Because I need it for a grade and this is an English AP Class!" I was just totally speechless. WHY IN FUCKING GOD'S NAME DIDN'T WE ALL GO UPSTAIRS THIS MORNING??

So on my scantron, I encoded a pattern with the sentence "God is dead because we are taking the AP English Practice Test. Fuck." Then, I turned it in. The sub asked me, "You're finished already?" and I said, "Are you kidding me? I'm not taking this test!"

God is so dead after that test. I don't believe in any type of fucking faith after we all have to take an AP practice test. I hate AP, I hate British Literature, I hate Britons, and I definitely fucking hate school, more and more each day. And when you fail every Government test you take yet you know more about politics than everyone in the room, that's fucking sad.

Seniors - we are only two days left till we never have to worry about a grade in high school again. God damn it feels good to be a gangster.

P.S. I made a 50 on the AP Practice Test. I didn't open the booklet. Cassie Silva didn't open her booklet either. 72.

Hot Dude Primary

For the first time in TW history, the Hot Contest ventured onto school grounds to collect votes from three different pollsters. These pollsters is the incredible and sexy Sara Brooks and Kitty Smith, and, and, who's the dopest one of them all, Sen. Matt J. Impelluso, MD. helped out as well.

The polls are direct parodies to the electoral college of the United States of America. The results, however, are not. LOLOLOL.

CHECK OUT THE RESULTS IN THE HOT DUDE CONTEST! VOTE ON FRIDAY! VOTE ON FUCKIN FRIDAY!!! EVERYONE VOTE IN THE SOPHOMORE FINALS THAT'S THE LOWEST TURNOUT RATING!!!

Acceptance Letters

"HOLY HELL MATT IMPELLUSO IS BEING ACCEPTED TO COLLEGE HOW IN THE FUCK CAN THAT NIGGER HATIN RACIST SON OF A BITCH...." - GOD

MATT IMPELLUSO HAS BEEN ACCEPTED TO ST.JOHN'S UNIVERSITY IN QUEENS, NY, AND THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS AT SAN BEANER I MEAN SAN ANTONIO!!

INCLUDING - St. Peter's in New Jersey

"I AM A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON. I'VE ACQUIRED A GENETICALLY ALTERED HANDSHAKE CAPABLE OF SPEEDS UP TO 30 MPH. HAIR ARRANGED BY THE MOST ADVANCED LANDSCAPE SURVEILLANCE OPERATORS OUR COMPANY CAN AFFORD. I HAVE A VERY EXPENSIVE PEN. I USE BIG WORDS QUITE OFTEN IN SUBSTIUTION FOR SEMANTICALLY EQUIVIALENT WORDS!! I ATTRIBUTE THE SUCCESS TO MY PROFESSIONAL DEMEANOR AND MY STRONG STOCK PORTFOLIO. THOUGH IT MAY NOT APPEAR SO, I AM QUITE COMFORTABLE IN MY SURROUNDINGS. I HAVE EVERYTHING, LET ME SHOW YOU AROUND. SMILE YOU FUCKER, IT'S NOT OFTEN YOU GET THIS CHANCE. LOVE IS JUST AN EXCHANCE OF CORPORATE DOCUMENTS. I'VE REVIEWED YOUR RAPPORT AND I FEEL YOU'RE A PROSPECT FOR MECHNICAL SALVATION. THIS IS A JOINT VENTURE THAT WILL BE MUTUALLY ADVANTAGEOUS TO BOTH PARTIES INVOLVED. TECHNICALLY THIS JUST A BUSINESS MERGER. A CONSOLIDATION OF LIQUID ASSETS. WE ARE RESPECTIVELY GEARED TOWARDS CUSTOMER SERVICE. THERE IS A GREAT POSSIBILITY FOR CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP IF YOU'RE WILLING, I AM SURE WE COULD SYNCHRONIZE AGENDAS. SWIFT, AND EFFICIENT SATISFACTION. THROUGH INNOVATIVE PLANNING, WE COULD FORM A STRONG STRATEGIC PARTNERSHIP CAPABLE OF OVERCOMING SENSITIVE AND ADVERSE PREDICAMENTS WHICH WILL BE DISCUSSED AT THE NEXT GOALS ASSESSMENT MEETING. PROMOTION POSSIBILITY AND ADDITIONAL BENEFITS ARE DIAGRAMMED IN MY PRELIMINARY OBJECTIVE OUTLINE. RAISES ARE GRANTED BASED ON PERFORMANCE."

Every Time I Die - The Logic of Crocodiles