What's on My Mind

The Funeral, Complaints, AP Tests

May 4, 2003

Tim's early arrival into the after-live sent me into states of disbelief. Not only was he gone, but something incredible happened to TW: Since last Monday, TW, and any other subpage of TW's main pages, the pages on the side, and Go Digital have recieved over 23,783 hits. Granted, Yahoo gets 3 million a day, but for TW, this is huge. We haven't had less then 2500 since Tim's death, and I'm glad many of you can come here, read about Tim, look at pictures of Tim, and get your mind off things with Go Digital.

Tim's page wasn't alone in getting hundreds of hits. The popular Bacon and Queso pages got a new baby brother on Wednesday, Apple Pie. Apple Pie suprisingly surpassed the picture page of Tim. People loved Apple Pie so much, for some incredibly odd reason, it's Number 1 in the most hit page. That's even more than the index and main pages, which doesn't even make any sense. I'm glad you guys enjoyed the pictures.

Funeral

Before Saturday, I've never been to a funeral. I wore black slacks and my nice sweater, and went, and was amazed. So many good friends were there. So many people I knew I saw. And so many sad faces. Tim was loved by many.

The funeral was incredible. The preacher telling wonderful stories about Tim made us laugh. Tim will always be our playboy. And, Tim will always be remembered for calling his brother in law a drug dealer, and Tim will always be remembered for being Tim.

The greatest part of the funeral however was the bagpipes. If you don't agree, just get out of my face. The bagpipes made me most emotional. Amazing Grace? Other songs I don't know? Wonderful. I was shivering.

The preacher got confused and thought Megan, Tim's cousin, was the rightful owner of his "Hot Babe" shirt that TW made last month. Nope. Tim bought it, fair and square. Fuschia. And he wore it. And it was awesome.

What happened next I thought should be written in the Baytown Sun as the greatest funeral procession in the history of Baytown, TX. What I witnessed was surely nothing but incredible. A line of automobiles, with the Baytown police at lead, extended past the 146 exit of North Main Street all the way back to Lee High School. If you have no idea what i'm talking about, go to Lee right now. Then drive to 146. Then drive to Main Street's exit. Then figure out what I'm talking about. It was huge. And it was ceremonial.

The burial was a last good bye to Tim. It was stressful for many. I hugged many as they passed by with tears. I stood my ground. I tapped the casket and walked off with Steve, Dottie, and Ben.

All in all, we can finally now say Tim is resting in peace. As a tribute to the story I wrote about Tim, it'll be located under "TW" section on the left side. Tim deserves the highest possible honor TW could give him, and we're going to do everything we can.

*Salutes* We'll miss you Playboy.

Complaints

I've gone a week without complaining so it's definitely time to start bitching and whining. First off, TAKS. What was that? Gayness? Yeah just about.

On Tuesday, I'm cracking dumb jokes, I pass out Tim's shirt fliers, and just sitting in the room ready to see what the hell this test is all about. The Math test blew balls. After Question 49, I said, "FUCK TAKS!!" in my head really loud, and decided to start making whatever pretty pattern I could make to 70 questions. Anyone going to take a 70 question test they really don't have to makes me mad. Actually, it pisses me off.

I also hate people who took it so seriously and actually spent up to 11:00 working on it. VOMIT.

We get a day off. AWESOME! Thursday comes around and we take the Social Studies, the only test fun enough to take. I answered all the questions with ease. It was pretty enjoyable for a test. I was never bored either. When it finished, almost everyone in my class had their head down on the desk. It was awesome to look at. Fuck TAKS, especially for juniors. The History test was so incredibly easy it should be banned and remade by me or something.

The Science Test I thought overall was dumb, but sort of easy. If students are going to actually take that test, lots of training and preperation is gonna have to be made. So, Fuck TAKS anyway!! (grins widely and stuffs face with hard-boiled eggs)

Overall, TAKS, I hate you, and you wasted so much of my time. I brought a pillow on Friday and listened to Jordan Jackson, Derek Jones, and myself talk about sex and people who cheat on other people. If you do that, you're going to hell, so get ready to start burning.

Telemarketers

[CALL ONE]
"Hello?"
"Hi, is Silvio home?"
"Who's this?"
"CIT"
"What's CIT?"
"Sir, are you Silvio?"
"What the hell is CIT?"
"May I please speak to Silvio, sir?"
"NO! STOP FUCKING CALL OVER HERE MOTHER FUCKER!!" 

[CALL TWO]
(English accent) "Hello?"
"Can I PLEASE speak to Silvio?"
"Nah, go to hell. Thanks" 

[CALL THREE]
(I don't answer)

[CALL ONE]
"Hello?"
"Hi, is Silvio...Im..pell....youso home?"
"It's Impelluso. What do you want?"
"This is MCI. Is Silvio home?"
"Nah, we have AT&T now, so go fuck yourself" 


[PHONE RINGS TWO DAYS LATER]
"Hello?" (Silence) "Hello???" HELLO???? HELLO?!?!?!? GOD FUCKING DAMN IT, HELLO? 
HEY, ARE YOU THERE LISTENING TO ME? OK WELL GET THIS, YOU CAN FUCKING SUCK MY 
BIG FAT DICK MOTHER FUCKER. YOU EVER CALL HERE AGAIN AND I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU" 
As you can see, my phone manners are polite, wonderful, and gentlemanly.

Future TW Sections

When Tim died, we went into immediate thinking of how to represent him best. A t-shirt in Tim's name with a very nice dedication to him on the back with a ninja in the back as well would be the best thing to do.

135 of you placed orders for Tim's shirt. Because of the madness, I have decided to create the "T-Shirt Committee" for all future and current TW shirts.

So far, the people on the committee will be me of course, as president, creating T-Shirts and delivering to any class, Brian Burnham as chairman of the "Tim" division and to deliver shirts to the sophomore class, and Glynis Haifley as one of the members to deliver shirts to their rightful owners of the Junior Class. Ben Pequeno and Dottie Reid will be inconjunction with both the Hot Babe shirts and Tim shirts, and any future shirt we have.

Other future TW sections will include something sort of what I did for Tim. Many of you love the pictures I have of Tim on there. Well, what if I put pictures of all your favorite TW employees on there? That'd be really sexy. Like a sort of search engine. It'll be pretty!

Another section definitely getting extremely popular is our "Masticators" section. Many of you haven't heard of it because well, it just started. It's the section in which every Wednesday, we bring you a different food item to cook, and funny faces and instructions on basically how to cook them. (They're all really easy to make). The Masticators - people who chew - are Tommy McMahon, Jeff Delomico, Matt Impelluso, and Tim Brockman. Special guests will be included soon, such as Emeril Lagasse, Jeff's dad, and Oscar Mayer.

RACHEL BARAJAS EATS DONKEY SHIT!

AP Tests

Blow.

Thanks for reading this column. Our prayers go out to Tim's family, Tim, and any one involved with Tim. Remember - life must go on. We'll miss you Tim. Gorilla is ordering the orange shirts for Tim tomorrow, and printing them this week.

-Father-