What's on My Mind

AP Tests, Tim Shirts, Hilary Duff

May 9, 2003

Well my goodness! This week is finally over. A week dreaded by many, especially me, the Tim shirts are finally out, and the AP tests are finally over and done with, the majority of us that is. Our very own TW employee Brad Wilson is engaging on taking the mighty Physics AP test, the only one in Physics Pre-AP to attempt such madness. Good luck baby.

Basically, I'll go over the week in dates, and I'll tell you what all happened. Besides Monday, each day had a pretty cool ring to it.


The mighty bad English AP test is finally here! Over, what it seemed like, 200 people, were inside the second floor gym. It was crazy. We were all introduced to this stupid test. It was partially easy, definitely easier than the Practice AP test taken a month ago. The essays were also easier.

After the test, we went to the mall, because no one said we couldn't leave campus. It was awesome. The big fat Mexican cop didn't even see me pass by. Thanks to Bonita Rull and Jaime Hicks of Lee distracting him, and Tommy's ever so mascaline body, I got through to St. John's Catholic Church's parking lot, and Lowell transported my girlfriend and I to the mall.

Jeff and I were planning the greatest idea ever - Hot Dog Fried Rice, which is currently on the Go Digital to your right. We made the rice at Jeff's house, and Jeff and I got lost in Normandy because Jeff didn't write down the address where we were going. It was pretty fattening, with some bacon grease.


Oh my! I go to school, ready for the Music Theory test in the afternoon. We get a review in Mr. Smith's class, and I say, wow, I hate pre-cal/school/you. So I'm just sitting in class, wondering when I'm going to get out, and finally we do. Brad transports me and Sharon (a.k.a. Jelly) to the mall, and we eat pizza. It was sexual.

I get to the Music Theory test. First, the lady gives me an envelope with no money in it (I got 10 dollars back cause I'm poor). Then, I lose my recipt, except not, it's inside my AP booklet the entire time, and it was funny.

The test lasted for me 6 HOURS. SIX. SIX FUCKING HOURS. What a waste of time.

Since it lasted six hours, I missed my oppurtunity to eat Hot Dog Fried Rice with Jeff, who took command of the Masticators, except not. Jeff and Tim were the only ones there attending and representing the Masticators. Tommy was stuck at home because of parental issues. So, Jeff, Tim, and new arrivals Blake and KK made Hot Dog Fried Rice, flawlessly I might add.

Its now time I apologize on TW to Jeff, and Tim, and KK, and Blake, for yelling and almost having them witness my head explode in the front of my house. I was extremely mad I couldn't join - but after I actually decided to let my brian think things out and not my mouth yell cuss words at Jeff, it was neither of our fault, and everything is sexual now.

Apple Pie and Queso are currently the most popular pages in the history of The Warzone. Hot Dog Fried Rice and Bacon trail behind only slightly. The Masticators has to be the absolute greatest idea in the history of TW, if not the fuckfest, an event where we take 50 or more pictures in stores around the Houston metropolitian area, including Baytown.

The Tim shirts were finished in less than a week. Gorilla SportsWear is so awesome. I love them, or should I say him, John, who made the Tim shirts and Hot Babe shirts. Because of the AP Test taking so long, I couldn't pick them up on Wednesday.


The only day AP tests weren't in my mind, I look back a year ago today realizing May 8 would possibly be the biggest day in my entire life - the day I'd try out for drum major of the band program. I decided since being out of band, it was just crumbling into something not as fun anyway, with more strict rules and regulations, that it was better being out than being in.

Good luck Jared Flynn for drum major. Even if you don't make it, you'll always be the leader to give the band sweepstakes at contest.

Thursday afternoon, I picked up the Tim shirts, 135 shirts in total. It took me so long to finally finish putting the shirts in order. It was basically for nothing though. Everything got out of order. More on this later on Friday.

I went to sleep at 11:45, not studying for my AP history test at all. BLOW. BLOW ME.


I waited outside my house for Jeff at 7:05 in the morning. I had 110 shirts in boxes right next to me. What a feat I would have to accomplish - delivering 110 shirts in less than 3 hours, because I had an AP test to take.

By days end, I had 7 shirts undelivered, one of which was a teacher who was absent. The rest of the people are idiots. I hate stupid idiots. I hate them so much. Ok, when people don't know you, don't give your NICKNAME and a last name that doesn't really exist. And spell your last name if they don't know how to spell it for you.

According to the list of people I had for Tim's shirts, three people didn't even exist. Mrs. Candy in the Junior office and I were trying to figure out names of people. We still haven't figured out one. The rest didn't give last names. HOW CAN YOU NOT GIVE A LAST NAME? BRANDY AND JAMI ARE DAMN SURE POPULAR FIRST NAMES, SO WE WON'T KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU ARE. SHIT.

All in all, Tim's shirts went by flawlessly, well, with that one exception. Everyone LOVES the shirts. One person decided to hate on me and said putting the web-site link on the shirt was my own personal benefit for advertisement, using Tim for that. Well, I just want to say, Tim, you're reading this, and I know you loved The Warzone, and you'll always be an employee in my heart, and the heart of all the rest of the employees.

I would like to thank everyone who has kept thanking me repeatedly for making these shirts, but you shouldn't thank me. Just look up above and remember Tim. Although I don't believe in religion or anything, I do believe in an after-life, and Tim is definitely up there, making out with lots of hot chicks.

The AP test was awesome! It was easy and well worth 5 bucks. LOL, all the rest of you had to pay 45 more. I'm so sorry guys. But it's cool being poor! You get advantages, like, making out with pretty girls, and...eating bacon.

Speaking of pretty girls....

Lizzie McGuire's Movie

Born in September of 1987, Hilary Duff enters the world of Houston, TX, not knowing she'll be the next big movie star of the 21st century. It was only by coincidence when she was born, a young fellow named Matthew James was a year and two months old, already starting to grow arm-pit hairs and a moustache.

Matthew and Hilary grew up very far from each other. One grew up in New York, the other grew up in Houston. It was a big leap. Then, Matthew moved to Houston, because his daddy's job moved too. Hilary got scared that Matthew was moving in on her ground, and she moved to Los Angelas to become rich and famous.

Now Matthew, 16 years old, walks around Houston like he owns the place. He eats bacon, likes queso, and enjoys apple pie for desert. Sometimes, he even goes to Delmonico's for some Hot Dog Fried Rice. It's extremely delicious!

Matthew always frowned at his sister, and even his extremely large brother, for whom he calls "Fat Slob" (Fat for short) for watching Lizzie McGuire, the show Hilary stars in. Matthew grew envious of Duff, and decided he was going to run for Student Council president. However, Duff had other plans, created a "secret" alliance with Matthew's band director, who convientely kicked Matthew out of band a year before elections. Hilary has super magic powers to see into the future, so she knew it was coming.

Matthew was very unhappy. He cried and cried to his girlfriend, "It's not fair! It's not fair! She's so hot and I'm not!" and his girlfriend would say, "But you are pretty you're my pretty baby!" and Matthew would say, but "I wanna be pretty like Hilary" and his girlfriend said nothing because no magical feat could turn Matthew into Hilary. Matthew wanted Hilary's magical powers and wanted to compete with her in the global race for best teenager actor in high school. Hilary was already in a commanding lead. Matthew decided to perform at his best in his Drama classes, where many people laughed at him and Ben Pequeno, a very pretty boy who Matt took a liking of. Ben is now Matthew's apprentince.

On May 2, X2 came out, and his girlfriend called "Wolverine" hot. In direct retaliation, he decided to go to the ememy - Hilary Duff, and call her hot as well. So, it worked. On May 9, 2003, Matthew Impelluso and Nickolus Reasoner, one single, one not, decide to go along on a difficult, advanced, and dangerous journey through the jungles of Clear Lake and onto a busy street to Cinemark theatres and enjoy the wonderful sight of Hilary on the big screen.

Matthew gave up. He just couldn't take it anymore. So, he took two huge shits in the middle of the Lizzie McGuire movie. In the bathroom, he cried "I love you Hilary I love you!" (as a friend of course) and went back to his theatre seat crying, and hugged Nickolus, and said, "Did I miss anything?" and Nickolus said, "Well, you missed this awesome..." and Matthew cries louder, knowing he missed a piece of Hilary's fine work.

Matthew then goes to the wonderful castle of the Dairy Queen, and meets the cashier, who convinentely is his girlfriend. He hugs her and says he feels bad for watching Lizzie McGuire. "It was awesome," he announced to Dairy Queen. The workers called him Weird Al, and called his accompanment, Nickolus, Waldo. Waldo decides that he was going to stop at a red light, but at the last minute, speeds off. Weird Al looks at him with big eyes and says, "WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?"

Matthew and Nickolus rejoiced by spreading Pepsi all over their warm, firm, brrrr-ussel sprouts and they cheer and cheer and love Hilary Duff and love her and love her some more.

[Biography by Catherine Zeta Jones]