What's on My Mind


June 1, 2006

"Matt, what the FUCK is wrong with you?" You know what's wrong with me? Fucking MySpace. Before the days of this ridiculous blogging world, yes, there was only one - ME. Ok, I might sound like a fucking arrogant prick, but how many of you are mother fucking sick of these ridiculous drunk-drugged blogs that are all over Myspace? I never read 'em. I don't give a fuck what you did this weekend. We gonna fuck, or what? That's the point of Myspace. It's like going to lunch without going to school. I know, I know, it seems awesome. But some people ruin that fucking shit man. I LOOOOVE FACEBOOK, cuz it has personal info on it, and you can only be in college to use it, which means you have some what more intelligance than the average joe, and NO ONE can blog, and you can have unlimited pictures.

So what do I think? I think I'm sick of reading the newspaper and my young friends asking me to tell them something interesting. I haven't updated in a fucking long, long, long time, and my original plan was to wait till everything unfolded with my situation in San Antonio. And boy, it was a FUCKED UP situation.

If you would like to know what happened, click here. It's worded with very differently than my usual columns, mainly because I wrote that to my 6200 constituents at UTSA in late January. If it wasn't for certain real great people, I'd be a college freshman right now probably attending another institution. BUT, I'M STILL AROUND MOTHER FUCKERS, (pulls out AK) AND GOD DAMN IT, I SMOKED EVERY DAY, HAD NO TEXTBOOKS, AND MADE STRAIGHT C'S. JOHN KERRY AND GEORGE BUSH DON'T GOT SHIT ON ME, THEY MADE STRAIGHT C'S THEIR ENTIRE COLLEGE CAREER, WITH TEXTBOOKS I made a 3.0 last semester by the way.

Anyway, I'm back because I'm just fucking bored man. I read some old columns and I started laughing my fucking dick off. I can't believe I'm so lame that I make myself laugh, I don't laugh usually when I'm writing my columns, I'm just typing furiously. Ok, since this WOMM Column is pretty much dedicated to Baytown and this summer, I want to remind everyone that it's.....



Who's with me? Lawn chairs, a bottle of Everclear, zone of Blueberry, maybe some XO's, we'll wait out the hurricane with fucking guns. Evacuation? Fuck that. I was the evacuatation zone last time, and that SUCKED. I know people in New Orleans got like swept away and I know it was so tragic and poor New Orleans and poor Mississippi - listen, these places got fucking flooded out so bad, so miserably horribly bad in the 1800's that it had to have been Andrew Jackson's dumb ass for suggesting them to rebuild the swamp they call the Big Easy. I don't want to get into a big New Orleans thing or debate about this, but it's true. It's a very scary area to live. Galveston? Port Arthur? You niggas gotta be TOUGH DOGG. You hear it in the UGK songs, you know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, let me remind everyone of the Houston flooding that no one ever seems to mention but it was probably the most significant fucking event in our city history - remember Tropical Storm Allison? This pussy comes at us, no one really evacuates, its a damn tropical storm, and it comes right above Downtown, LITTERALY, THE EYE OF THIS STORM WAS RIGHT ABOVE MOTHER FUCKING CITY HALL, THE EAST WALL RIGHT OVER CHANNELVIEW, AND IT FLOODED THE FUCK OUT OF HOUSTON. Everything was flooded. The freeways looked like the fuckin Nile River with huge slides (the freeway ramps) flowing into it. TROPICAL STORM. The bitch just circulated around the town for like 10 hours.

And Baytown? No flooding.

Give me a shotgun, I'll shoot down the hurricane myself. This is bullshit. I don't believe in any type of religious affiliation with natural disasters, but shit, if thats what you believe, and you think a hurricane is coming, don't pray to God, it's not gonna work, cause God doesn't know how to turn on a levee, God doesn't know how to pump out 5000 gallons of water from the basement of a building cause Buffalo Bayou overflooded - THIS IS ALL US. THIS IS US VERSE THE ROTATION OF THE EARTH.

Oh I have so much to say! I don't know where to even begin. But, what I'm saying in this column - hurricane season, fuck you. Come at us. I don't want no pussy Rita shit coming this way. The most massive evacuation in WORLD HISTORY of a region of people, and the hurricane misses by 55 miles. Perfect.

I'm going to try to update every week, or maybe even more frequent than that. On the page, you might see a section that says "OPINION!!!" or some bullshit like that, please click it, because I have some ideas that some of you might enjoy.

I have a lot of web-space now, and since Photobucket seems to be a major monopoly, I could host some of your pictures for free, and the link could just go a page on The Warzone with a collection of your pictures. Go Digital isn't dead - no sir, it is not dead, but I am collecting pictures as we speak. I don't have many but summer is just beginning.

Another ridiculous idea I had was to have a Myspace Interacted Hot Babe Contest for girls who...well, I guess we just think are hot! But, they have to be in the Baytown area, or affiliated somehow with Baytownians. And when ever you want to look at their pictures, you could just go to their page, or they could probably just send a picture. Crazy sounding? I'm not sure, I want your opinions!

USE THE SEARCH ENGINE! YOU'LL BE SURPRISED HOW HARD YOU'RE GONNA LAUGH AT SOME OF THE SHIT YOU FIND I SAID ABOUT YOU / or something you were apart of. Oh my fucking Hardcore....Bill, Jeremy and I have found some ridiculously crazy hardcore bands in the last few weeks. Let me tell you something, you hardcore dance = you eat raccoon pussy. YOU'RE A FAGGOT. I DON'T CARE IF FAGGOT IS AN INAPPROPRIATE WORD. I DON'T HATE HOMOSEXUALS. I JUST THINK THESE PEOPLE ARE MOTHER FUCKING FAGS. Dude, this guy bicycle kicked me in the chest, then I fucking ran into him like it was a New York Giants Super Bowl play, he throws his arms up in the air in frustration, Bill gets knocked around by one of his friends and ends up in this ridiculous head lock by this fucking piece of monkey shit faggot (he was wearing a white sweater, wearing the hood, had a napsack, and was wearing capri pants - oh and he was hispanic) and that just ruined it for us man.

Kidnap Soundtrack, all those good bands, they're gone! It's just so sad. It's such a good genre. I was telling Clair that the reason I'm probably mad so much is cause I don't get a dosage of hardcore every once and a while. You need someone to scream for you to get rid of anger like that.

Ok, I'm going to go into my column stage now. This week, we're going to talk about Kinky Friedman, SOMEONE YOU BETTER VOTE FOR, NO MATTER YOUR POLITICAL PREFERENCE, the story on Immigration (oh yeah, you're gonna love this one - WE SHOULD JUST BUY MEXICO), and I'm going to prepare you on the World Cup, a MUCH needed to be talked about sporting event. PLEASE ANSWER MY POLLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I probably forced them on you cause I just wanted to know quickly. To continue to Kinky Freidman, click here