What's on My Mind

Disintegrating, Motivation, Don't Care

October 25, 2003

This is my second time writing this, because the first time I wrote it, I didn't save it, Tommy froze my computer with the new Max Payne 2 game, and my WOMM was forever missing. But, I guess it's alright, because Max Payne 2 is absolutely fucking awesome for any of you computer gamers. And, we got it for free. YAY!!!

It's Friday night and I would apologize for not writing a WOMM in a while, but why the fuck should I? Up to Monday night, I was fucking busy as hell with Senior Research Paper, and I decided I need a break on Tuesday, Wednesday we had our Mastication and I fell asleep at 9 thanks to some wonderful sleeping pills, Thursday I had rehearsal and decided not to do anything then, and today, I sat here while Tommy came over with Max Payne.

Overall, I think things are getting much better. My so called apocolypse, which is annual, is when something extremely bad is to happen. Well, two days have passed and nothing has happened to me yet. The most horrific day should be tomorrow, but I see no sign of that happening, considering I'm going to see Nathan Prihoda's rugby game and then THE MOTHER FUCKING HORRID AFFAIR AND KIDNAP SOUNDTRACK! ROOOOAAARRRR!

I have definitely decided that I absolutely cannot mother fucking stand Crystal Tenning. Ok, first off, she kicks out of Kroger on Garth TWICE. Then, she tells her boyfriend that she thought we were going to fucking raid the store. YES, RAID IT - ROB IT. HOW THE FUCK WAS I GOING TO ROB THE STORE? FIRST OFF, THE CLOSEST THING TO A WEAPON I HAD WAS A FUCKING CAMERA! Well, I also had my penis, and I should have DEFINITELY slapped that across her face.

Robbing fucking Kroger, what the hell kind of mother bore this child? Who the fuck would think we would rob Kroger BY TAKING PICTURES? God, I just want to take a shit all over her fucking face.

P.S. Anyone who's heard a fucking Korean with the initals Gookie McChink saying I've turned Emo is to slap him across the face. The day I turn emo is the day Korea becomes one country again.

P.P.S. Thanks Gookie for letting us borrow your kitchen Wednesday!



I had an epiphany on Tuesday night. I hate a lot of people. I'm pretty sure many people don't really like me all that much, but I know I fucking HATE a lot of people. I'm just looking around my daily life and I see people and I ask myself if they really exist. Who are they? Why are they living? Is that person really a person?

I've also decided on Tuesday that the people I do like, I fucking love.

I've also decided, people talk lots of shit. I think I'm going to define shit talking right now against speaking your opinion about someone.

Talking shit behind someone's back - "Man I fucking hate that piece of shit, he's stupid and gay and I never want to talk to him again!" Ten minutes later, the person who said this is talking to the person he's talking about like nothing ever happened.

Commenting on someone - "I don't know man, she's been acting really fucking weird." Comment: "Dude, she's always been a fucking bitch, and you just have to let it go."

I think those are two absolutely different things. Commenting on someone is usually a thing that happens quite often within a lot of people. Talking shit about someone behind someone's back is something not very nice.

I have to say, I'm not afraid to tell someone I hate them, or that I want to lick their legs. I had an occurance with both today. I told Lady, my dog, I hated her, and I told the best friend of a girl I liked that I wanted to lick her legs. I obviously was kidding, but now my entire Speech class thinks I'm disgusting.

I've been using the word pussy a lot lately, thanks to Jeremy. I've just realized, there are a lot of pussies in the world today, and well, they should just all die. I mean, I'll ask you nicely, just, you know, die or something. Too bad though, there's so many of these types of people in the world that if they did all die, 2/3 the world would be dead.

And I think the 1/3 living should party till we die as well.

But enough of the negative. I will like to declare my best friends not pussies. Their names: Tommy McMahon, Jeremy Garrett, Kelly Kincl, Billy Brooks, Nick Reasoner, Jeff Delmonico, Rachel Barajas, Jenna Brockman, and Miranda Bryant. If you aren't on this list, and we hang out a lot, you're not a pussy either.

Now, I never said these people don't have faults. But, they're not pussies.

Compile your own Pussy List. Mail it to your state senator and declare for these people to be exiled from the state. Then, we'll have a party at Jeremy's house celebrating the Bad Pussy leaving the state.

In total, I've said pussy five times. Pussy. Six.


On Tuesday, I stood in front of about thirty Juniors and gave a Speech on why you should never be sad. Everyone laughed. I'm not too sure if they got what I was trying to say, but it was pretty much fun.

In my speech, I spoke about two significant people. Both were extremely infamous in the room. I didn't mention anyone's names, but everybody in the audience was blurting them out. Several people in the audience wanted to tell stories. "Listen, let's stop talking about her, because this is what she wants. Attention."

I honestly can say I didn't say one bad thing about these individuals. What I did say was, I was an idiot. A big idiot. I wasted my time. The idea is, everyone should be happy, and if anyone permits you from being happy, then you need to get rid of them in your life.

With this, I also talked about obstacles. I talked about an extremely fat woman's flab covering my Coke at the Texans game this weekend and I had to pull it out of her flab to get my drink. Everyone laughed to that.

I finished off my speech by saying you should always give somebody a second chance. But, never give them a third, fourth, fifth, sixth, twentieth, hundredth chance.

My point got across. I'm really on a mission to talk to as many people as possible and try to make everyone as happy as they can possibly be. I hate seeing people sad, and I hate seeing people fighting a whole lot.

Don't Care

Don't worry, be happy means so much to my style of life right now. I simply don't care about anything. In Economics today, I had about 20 problems left to finish on a quiz and the bell was about to ring. I confidentially bubbled in 20 answers, not caring, turned it in, and went off.

In English, I sit around and talk to Katie Whiddon, Sarah Guest, Summer Ruddick, Brad (there's only one), Stacey Stone, Cassie Silva, and Zach Hill. I don't give a flying FUCK that we had to read A Tale of Two Cities. Actually, yesterday, Mrs. Bruner was asking why I wasn't doing my work. This is what I said:

"I'm not going to do this. I'm not recieving any personal sastification by reading Charles Dickens, because I hate him." I looked at her for a second, turned around, and continued talking.

In my Office Aide period, I wonder if life is really moving. I sit in there and I talk to Ben and Tom, and I'm just wondering, "What the hell am I doing?" Then I realized, "Wait, I'm not caring." And I got up, asked Mrs. Carr if I could leave, and walked to the drama room, and fell asleep till around 1:30.

I fucking don't care, at all. I really haven't cared about anything in high school, but this is the ultimate of not caring. I'm just sitting around, trying to enjoy myself. Anyone who works too hard and doesn't have a good time is just having a bad time. Play with some Barbies or something. Play some Max Payne 2. Don't fucking do homework!

I think it was on Monday or Tuesday night in which I wrote Natalie a story about FALFI, a magnificant pony I made up when I was very tired one night. FALFI went on and on in numerous amounts of stories I had and it made perfect sense that I'd write about him. In the story, a character that resembles me has the pony. An Angel comes down from heaven to try and kill FALFI, but I come to the rescue and fight to my death. The Angel bites my head off and is never seen again. FALFI becomes leader of ponies.

Anyone catch any literary elements such as irony, metaphor, and realism in that?

If anyone wants to read the story, I'll send it to you if you ask for it. It's pretty funny.

I just like life right now. It consists of trying to sleep as much as possible in school, taking shits and reading the Chronicle while doing so, and listening to some Hardcore. I also enjoy to chat online and have long and extensive conversations with intelligant people, especially Tommy, Jeremy, and Miranda. Too bad, Mir got her power cord from her computer taken away yesterday.

Recap: Hate Crystal Tenning, Hate Rachel Barajas, Love your best friends, Hate pussies, Be happy, Don't care, Don't do homework, Don't read Charles Dickens, Hate Crystal Tenning, Don't write Mytholology, and Take shits on the toliet while reading the Chronicle.

I love you all!