WOMM Weekend - september 22, 2002

Written September 26, 2002.

So, its been a long time since I've written something about like, what I do during the weekend, right? Well, its definitely time again, because I don't have much to say about anything else. I do have to say though, if you hate TW, why do you keep coming to it? I mean, honestly, I don't want your hits, but you give them to us anyway. The real posers have arrived....

So, Friday, there was no football game, therefore, I did absolutely nothing, and slept all night. I don't know what everyone else did, but Friday was pointless, and therefore, I did nothing.

Saturday, however, turned out to be a REALLY FUCKING FUNNY DAY, maybe almost as funny as Sunday. So, Joe gets me, I go to his grandparents, chit chat for a while, and its off to the races with Tommy son and Kelly Kinkel. Now, although we are the original fuckfest crew, weird things can STILL HAPPEN. Its really fucking possible. So, we decided to go look for halloween candy and masks. Well, we got more out of the deal. We got like, sex and candy, but I hate that song, I HATE IT, so lets just never mention it again, wait, I was the one that mentioned it, ok, I'll never mention it again.

So, Tommy REALLY likes Vanilla Tootsie Rolls. I never heard of them in my life. I'm really stupid about shit like that. Target didn't sell them. We decided that was gay, and moved to the halloween mask section. Tommy tried on Eeyore, while Kelly tried on Pooh. It was one of the moments where I wished I had Mr. HP to take a picture, but of course, I'm a stupid nutsac. Kelly then suggested we be colored firemen, like, he would wear the black and gold, me red and yellow, Tommy, whatever color I didn't mention. I forgot what it was, but no one really cares.

After destroying Target, we decided to then venture to WalMart and look at their selection. We couldn't find the candy there either. While there, I told a kid to buy candy and get fat, and he said ok. That was the LEAST funniest part of the day. I go to the female costumes section, and well, Matt Impelluso turns drag queen, and tries on a dress. Only problem was, it was backwards. That was ok. I went to the main aisle and yelled, "HEY! I'M WEARING A DRESS!! YEAH!!!!" Then, walked nonchalantly back to Tommy and Kelly, who took off with my hat. I took off the dress by ripping off the tags, and ran to Electronics to find them. When I got to the main aisle, however, they were running the OPPOSITE direction. I was like, WTF? Kelly throws me my hat like a quarterback, and the Jerry Rice I am, I catch it wonderfully, while running, btw, because, Tommy is walking so fast ahead of us.

Now, why is Tommy walking fast? Yeah, you guessed right. He ran right into one of those price scanners, knocking it TOTALLY off the wall. Wow. How homosexual.com. The security didn't stop him. The WalMart workers didn't stop him. We ran to the Surburban in the parking lot, and left. That was it. We won. We destroyed WalMart unintentionally and won.

Kroger wasn't as fun, but we did see Houston there, so everything was ok. The best part about Kroger: Houston was called to work on Register 3, which isn't a register, its one of those new self-check out machines! Well, we went to like the guard post or whatever, and when you click on a certain machine, the camera changes to show what that person is doing! Kelly was like, "Dude, I'll work here just to do that."

So, I go home, and that's it for the day. The next day, however, my friend Stackey and I go out to Target, to buy another friend of mine, Dawn, chocolate. LOL. So, I go into Target, find some Twix and Snickers, and we go to Register 5. No one is there. I wait. Then, I start getting impatient, all of you know how impatient I am. "HEY, REGISTER 5, COME BACK TO LIFE PLEASE!! REGISTER 5? WHERE ARE YOU REGISTER 5?" I was yelling this in Target. Of course, people were staring at me, but I had a wide smile across my face. I gave it 30 more seconds. Then I yelled, "FUCK 5!" and I slammed down the switch for the light to show that register 5 was down. Well, instead, it showed that it was blinking. It looked like I broke it but I didn't. It was HILARIOUS.

Stackey doesn't likes shopping in the boxers section with boys.

Well, since Dawn works at McDonalds, we went across the street, and asked where she was. Back drive thru window. Wow, gay. So, instead of taking the car out there, I walk down the drive thru, in between cars, I might add. The car behind me, instead, thinks this is a huge joke, and well, totally bypasses the pay line, and goes straight to the "where you get your food" window!! I was like, WTF, CAN'T I GO THROUGH THE DRIVE THRU STANDING??? So, I give her the stuff, and we go back to the drive thru, the LEGAL way, and order some fries.

Instead of paying for a drink, I just decided to take the 75 cent cup, fill it up, nonchalantly sit down, and drink it. It worked. I win.

"Did you pay for that drink sir?" -Evelyn
(quick response) "No." -Matt
(Laughter by Evelyn and Stackey)

As many of you know, I am fond of wet floor signs, and I have 2 in my collection, both from the mall, btw. Well, I need more. So, at Chevron, I picked one up, and decided to leave with it. It worked, kind of. No one saw me. We then went to Sonic for dinner (McDonalds worker going to Sonic, how IRONIC AND PARADOXICAL AND ASSHOLELIKE!) The mosquitoes kicked our ass, btw.

While going home, I decided to be a total jackass. Aerials was playing, so I stuck my head out the window, and yelled the chorus. When I go to "Aerials, so up high!" my hat fell off my hat, out the window, and on to Baker Road. I started screaming so loud. It was like, insane. I yelled for Dawn to stop. She did, on Baker, and I ran back through traffic onto Garth. My hat? Its fine. It didn't get run over.

If you didn't know, I lost my hat on an amusement park ride in New York because I underestimated the jump in it. My fourth Yankee hat died without me saying bye up close to it, on a water slide, in Rye, New York. Instead, I stared at it from a distance, almost in tears, cause EVERYONE knows how my hat is like, Jesus Christ to me.

I didn't lose the fifth hat though, so everything is ok.

Back at Chevron, I saw Tommy, Kelly, and Allison. I stole another wet floor sign, but this time, very unsuccessful. The woman came outside and took it away from me, and I told her I couldn't get in trouble, cause if I did, I'll get deported. She was like, "Boy what's your problem? Are you PLAYING WITH ME??" And I was like, "Playing with you? What is this? Price is Right?"

That's my weekend. Except a real WOMM up soon. -Matt