What's on My Mind

A HUGE FUCKING WOMM JUST FOR YOU RACHEY POO!

November 13, 2003

OH MY FUCKING GOD! I WONDER WHAT TIME IT IS!?! Alice and Wonderland was a major major success to the people who viewed it 1st, 3rd, 4th periods and at 7:30 at night Thursday. If you saw it 2nd period, just shoot yourself and try to believe me that it was our worst performance in the history of the galaxy.

Tim laughed his ass off that night. I know he did. I know I did. I know the rest of the cast did. Thursday night was so hilarious that many of us just began laughing on stage. There was really no point in me not laughing because Drama is just a good time for me. Obviously, if we make it to a competition, it will be serious, and we'll have some priorities, but this is for Tim, and when was Tim ALWAYS serious? Hardly ever. He was such a clown and a goof.

When Billy yelled, "I'm only an egg!" many of you in the audience might have seen me burst out laughing. Or when I kicked the shopping cart across the stage to get my hat back. Or Trent's incredible Rabbit performance. Or Misty looking extremely fucking hot. Ah, what the hell though, it was fucking awesome!

School Bullshit

That fucking bitch Senior Research Paper. SUCK IT! IT'S OVER! IT'S 11:11 ON 11-11 AND IT'S FUCKING OVER! What a dream come true. For all people not Seniors, try exempting English if you possibly can. For all people who are Seniors, and you're awesome, you know about Friday. Oh and Friday will be a fucking blast.

Today, I got my "I survived the Senior Research Paper" shirt, and let me tell you, I'm so tempted to just burn that son of a bitch right now. But alas, I'll wait till Friday, and what a beautiful Friday that will be. Burning books, sweet marshmellows roasting on an Asian fire, and RC Cola. Except, not really.

In other news today, I got a conduct report for not wearing my ID badge. Let me also add that someone got a conduct report for flicking off a principal and let me also add that someone hit a teacher in the head with a rolled up newspaper. I hope everyone can see MY FUCKING PISSED OFF-NESS KNOWING THEY RECIEVED THE SAME FUCKING THING I DID YET ALL THEIR CASES WE'RE FUCKING EXTREME AND MINE WAS BULLSHIT.

In other news today, I have to correct 27 questions on my god damn economics test to get an 80, and right now I have a 70. I'm not even going to do it. That's bullshit. 27 fucking questions? 27?!! If I do 14, that's a 75. I'm so lazy now, I don't even care. I don't care at fucking all. Senioritus is here.

Memorizing the prologue in Canterbury Tales - what an extremely great learning experience for all of us. Like any of us fucking care about speaking in Old English. Let me just stab myself in the heart with a pen and name that the title of an emo song.

I remember when I used to suck dick for coke, but I guess I turned straight now. If you don't know where that's from, you're just as gay as Rachel Elise Barajas, Mexican beaner with a hint of McNair growing up.

The week in review

This is more of a week in review since I didn't write a WOMM in a long time. I just got sidetracked the last couple of...weeks. LOL. Actually, that's no fucking excuse, and TW has been down in a slump as of late, and I'm really trying to revive that. Today, I had a Mastication planned, and 3 of the 6 members showed up at my house. Jeff, Tommy and I decided to just buy Frosty's at Wendy's instead.

  • Wednesday - We went to the Grand Opening of The Matrix. We counts as Jonathan "The Arch-Gook Deluxe" Yoo, Steven "Nigger Cluster" Terry, Billy "She has hair all over - on her back, on her legs, on your mother" Brooks, Ryan Settle "Down," John "I almost had sex with Laura Heinrich's Sister" Terry," Chad "I got anally raped with tea by Jesus" Kell, Kelly "I hate Three Doors Down but love Here without You" Ochoa, and finally, Tommy "My penis is too big for my own good" McMahon.

    Personally, I thought the movie was MUCH better than Reloaded. Although Reloaded made me horny because of the car chase, this movie just made much more fucking sense and it was so much sexier. I wish there wasn't so much lovey dovey shit. Oh, and I REALLY enjoyed the previews. The Last Samuari, The Day after Tomorrow, and Troy look fucking awesome.

    The highlight of the night definitely had to be us making fun of Jonathan, Steve and Billy talking about Nigger Fragments on computers, Me and Jonathan's toll booth experience featuring young Ukranian women, and Tommy eating my leg in BW3's. (He was confused, for I looked like a large Italian sausage)

    [Commerical with bunch of Asian kids running] "Dude, there's Jonathan's cousin!" - me
    "Jonathan's not even in here, asshole" - Billy
    "God...damn...gook" - me

  • Thursday - The day of the play at 7:30, which many of you attended. I don't have to speak much more about this but I can speak of Chili's.

    BTW THANK YOU RACHEL BARAJAS AND MEGAN CAMBERN FOR ATTENDING, YA STUPID FUCKERS! JUST KIDDIN! ;)

    I was so hyped up after the performance, Angelina Tanquisha Nicolina and NATALIUS co-princess of all ponies were walking down with me in the drama hallway, and I reacted the funniest video we've ever made that's not even on the site because, uh, because....well it'll be up on November 15, 2007 for Kelly and July 19, 2004 for me, anyway the video was Kelly saying "If you're happy and you know it and you really wanna show it if you're happy and you know it KICK THE FUCK OUT OF THE CHAIR!" Well I did that, and when I did, MY FUCKING TOE SAID "FUCK YOU MATT FOR DOING SUCH A STUPID THING TO IMPRESS TWO BEAUTIFUL GIRLS!"

    I told my toe to fuck off, and I took the same chair that I kicked, and threw it across the parking lot. Then Tommy and I had a roaring contest in the middle of the parking lot, and then we showed each other our man growth, except just kidding.

    Then, Doctor Ashley Medows came with Tom Currie, one of the fantastic sewer rats from somewhere in Jersey, and Jonathan decided that he was gonna be a BIG FUCKING SHOW OFF and try and drive the fucking Sentra so fast that we'd be flying if we tilted. Luckily, everyone is ok, but my heart is still all the way up in my fucking mouth.

    In front of Chili's was the most massive group of people to ever assemble with me. The last group that assembled this big with me was my "Governor" group when everyone came and supported me in my tuxedo after I was crowned Junior Governor with Josh Andrews and Kevin Woods. That was a GREAT night. When I took off my coat and I was wearing my vest and I was drinking straight out of the mug without a straw, I owned that fucking table. I carved my name in it and then Kelly stuck all the knives in the Dr. Pepper pitcher and I drank out of it at the very end. If you're interested in sexy pictures about this event, click this link: OH MY GOD MATT IS GOVERNOR!

    Ok back to Chili's. When we finally got our tables (the main table was designated for cast and crew only, but a few people like Ashley, Becky's boyfriend Wade, and a couple of others got the privileges), the service was pretty slow, but it was excellent all at the same time. The Staurts, Tim's parents, came by. As soon as they walked in, we all got up and started clapping. I gave about 10 toasts that night, 8 of them to Tim and his family, and 2 to Tommy and us trying to pass our English test over the shittiest FUCKING BOOK EVER "A TALE OF TWO CITIES." In the words of Jeremy 'Rape the mother, Save the Blood' Garrett, "I'm never going to fucking read that book again."

    We love you Mr. and Mrs. Stuart, if you still read TW! AND WE LOVE YOU TIM! WE LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!

    "TO MY MISTRESS THE BRIDGE, I DON'T FEEL WELL!" - A QUOTE TOM 'I LOVE THE COCK IN MY EAR' CURRIE LOVES TO HATE!

  • Friday - TO MY MISTRESS THE...oh shit I already started a paragraph like that. Ok, on Friday, an incredible and wonderful thing. I ate bacon. Lots of it. Tons of it actually.

    Friday afternoon, Allison Page, "Presidente de Honor Societia de Ross S Sterling de Matt Impelluso" was having a horrible day. Because of that, Chad "I got anally raped by Matt Impelluso with a tea pot" Kell and I gave her some advice to feel mucho better. I accompanied her to her church, which is adjacent to Timmy's grave. There was no one at the church so we went to visit Tim instead.

    We went and it was quite beautiful. The new tombstone (I dont' even know if that's what you call it, it was that pretty) and a bench in the same marble were where his original small stone was. It was really nice. Allison and I shared some Timmy moments and we hugged a couple of times, just remembering the good times.

    After a trip to Jeremy's house, SETTLE and Nick came and we traveled to Humble, Tx. I passed out in the van and when we got there, we were in a gas station. After looking for a place to go, we finally found something so incredible through my eyes: Mother fucking Chucke Cheese.

    Not only did we eat in Chucke Cheese, I TOOK A FUCKING MONSTEROUS SHIT IN THERE TOO. All the kids died, but luckily we all got out safely. Their parents are currently sueing the amusement place for about 25 billion dollars, to be paid off by October 14, 2004.

    After that, we went into the chilly, 50 degree weather that Baytown should have gotten a fucking month ago and we walked to the stadium. I went in the stands and realized, "This is my last football game!" Then I yelled out Jonathan's name really loud and farted REALLY loud too. The band got up and left and I saw Angelina wearing my jacket. I had two things in mind: 1) She's sexy in my jacket; 2) THIS FUCKING HOODIE ISN'T ENOUGH! Allison, Ryan, Nick and I all cuddled up and we got warm again.

    During half-time, all of you should have seen what SETTLE, Allison and I saw. Nick was fucking running the track like it was no tomorrow. We were like, WTF? He was running back and forth like crazy. Then, he even ran through the fucking Humble entrance where all the football players from Humble run through. All of this to give flowers to Amie, the drum major, and Kristin Feusse's mom, sitting only a couple of feet from us. All in all, Nick ran 40 miles in about 3 minutes.

    The game was dramatically coming to a close. I talked to Gookie and Tom for a while and then I went to get some hot chocolate, which was pretty good actually. We watched the rest of the game, and I listened to our last football "School Song." We will hear the next one at our graduation.

    SCREWJOB!

    After the game, Allison, SETTLE and I met Tommy at I-Hop. That wasn't what the adventure was though. Right before that, SETTLE, Allison and I ran what we thought from the police, because, well, just take a wild guess. But everything is ok.

    We went back to Jeremy's house and just hung out there, and it was a festive event, very festive. The cold weather brought out the best in all of us. I went home at 12:30, because the next morning, we had to be at school by 7:00.

  • Saturday - *KNOCK KNOCK* "BRIAN I TOLD YOU TO NOT FUCKING COME THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" - me

    "MATT IT'S FUCKING 7:20 WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE IN SCHOOL AT 7:00!!" - Brian

    (Jumps up, runs to alarm, alarm says 4:30 and is flashing)

    "MOTHER FUCKING RELIANT ENERGY NIGGERS!!!!" - Me

    I got ready the fastest I've ever gotten ready in my life. I walked out of Brian's car at school and strolled to the bus, took a seat with some Mexican guy I've never met before from Lee, and just put my head on the seat the entire ride there.

    Everyone was asking me if I was ok. I don't know what the hell is wrong with some people. It's fucking EARLY ON A WEEKEND! That messes up everything! Of course something is wrong! School fucking exists! I'm on a bus full of people and I'm uncomfortable and I'm tired! What the fuck else could I say???

    We got to Sam Houston State University. It's located in Huntsville, Texas, also known as the "Where bad people go" by little kids. The place is in the middle of fucking no where basically. When I got out, I decided that I wasn't going to carry anyone's things, but I did definitely decide it was time for me to take a large fucking shit. After that, Parker told me I should go to a workshop, but I just stood there and looked around, stupidly.

    I walked around and found the place where we were supposed to perform Alice and Wonderland. It was quite small but the seating was aquedate. I thought it would be pretty cool. I went back to the concession stands and asked for coffee. It was there I met Zack, a freshman at the campus. He was a really nice guy, and I was just mingling with the concession stands people as if I knew them my whole lives. I finally got that coffee, put a ton of Equal in it, and then had fucking anal sex with it.

    Brian and I put on our costumes and we walked around. People stared. People whispered. People ate bacon. People looked at us like we were idiots. People took pictures with us. We were in control of Sam Houston State. We were in control.

    We were announcing that Alice and Wonderland is "that way" basically, and a lot of people came. We did a semi-horrible performance, but Trent's performance was uncanny, totally excellent - totally fucking sexy. The rest of us did a semi-ok job, and Billy made everyone laugh with the foghorns. That fucking bastard.

    After the play, we went to go eat at the cafeteria in the lunch room at Sam Houston. I ate some Chickfila with Brian, and then we commenced on playing some card games with the gang. Daniel Villareal and I got into a poker duel. He started raising the stakes.

    "Bet you a dollar" - Daniel
    "I'll raise it" - Me
    "Three dollars" - Daniel
    "Four dollars, AND my fucking free refill drink!" - Me
    "OOOOOOOH!" - Everyone at the table

    [Billy blows foghorn, everyone looks]
    "SORRY, HE'S A GRINGO!" - I yell. Everyone laughs

    After this was all done, Brian went into the common area of the college and he blew the foghorn. We have that on video.

    Going home on the bus was not only an adventure, it was a fucking masterpiece. If you like rap and are somewhat black. Brian Clay is one of these people because he can see ACTUAL rap songs. (Takes LARGE shit) Fuck that Brian, what's up with you dude? Just kiddin ;)

    Saturday night had to have been the biggest rekindling for emotional tramua in my life. I'll just stop with no details.

  • On Sunday, Rachel Barajas aka nigger baby deluxe delight came over. I gave her the legendary voyage visit to Warzastan, the nickname for Honda Hills, the dying forest near my neighborhood. It once prospered with many beautiful paths and everything, but Rachel and I discovered a lot of fucking bullshit! Like evidence of Billy's semen all over the place!

    Megan Cambern, Tommy and Kelly came over, and we all hung out for a while. Megan and Rachel were cheering me up, and Tommy and Kelly were eating me out for dinner.

  • Monday - a somewhat incredible and miraculous thing happened. I realized why it's called The Warzone sometimes. There is so much war going on between everyone at the same time that I have to realize that maybe it was called that for a certain reason.

    The 20 Day War as it is called came to a dramatic end, and the world seemed to be at peace. Now, see "Wednesday"

  • Tuesday - This was a very fun day, a very fucking fun day indeed. Andrew and Brad are starting up this hardcore band, and I wanted to come watch their practice, and maybe give them some advice and add some lyrics to some of their songs as a song writer. It was there I was reunited with old junior high friend Kenny "Bubba" Holmes, Rebecca Holmes's cousin. He's fucking awesome.

    The practice was almost near incredible. Three musical prodigies: Andrew, Brad, and Kenny, were absolutely outstanding. I'm privildeged to know such wonderful individuals and musicians.

    Speaking of that, I would like to tell ALL OF YOU that this weekend is probably going to be a very huge weekend in the history of rock music: On Saturday, The Horrid Affair will be performing its biggest show in history. Then, on Sunday, Every Time I Die, a wonderful hardcore band, is also coming to town. Please check both of these bands out, they're some of my favorites, and I fucking love them.

    After the practice, we went to Robotics, the robot club at Sterling. Don't roll your eyes. I'm HORRIBLE at higher than Algebra 2 math and any science. I'm on the spirit team. And yes, Monopolist Matt Impelluso will be taking over their web-site as well. What a fun, fun job! LOL!

    At the Robotics meeting, we gave everyone nicknames that mattered. Tommy was "BALLTRASH," I was "Jesus," Kelly was "McKinkal" and some favorites were Cheryl's "Aggie Vermin" and Jonathan's "American Rice." LOLOLOL, what a beautiful thing. We left the meeting pissed off because we didn't do anything - Pasadena was supposed to come by but nothing ever happened.

    Highlight of the night: Fat man getting called down by 3 extremely pretty girls. *Rob and I die*

    We went to El Toros and as soon as I opened the door I smelt Rachel. That fucking stinky ass Mexican. We had a good dinner, or should I say, Kelly and I had some good queso. Wal-Tar, Rob AND Tom Currie the twins, Jonathan, SETTLE, Tommy, and I all had a good time. Kink also btw. There was a point where these girls came in and asked one of us if we were Hank, and I busted out with "Hank the Cowdog?" Our table laughed because we're all old school nerds who used to read Hank the Cowdog. I fucking LOVED Hank the Cowdog. I want him to be my fucking dog, unlike Lady, who just pisses all over the fucking place.

  • Wednesday - Today was the day I went to Toys R Us to buy Misty a present. This present will be a monkey. As of Thursday, today, she has it. And she likes it. And she's so fucking hot. Oh my God I am so jealous of Kyle Cooper. Thanks!

    So, one day later, I get this call from Toys R Us, asking me if I shopped at the store the day before. And I said yes, and began working with this survey. Then, the last question was, are you over 18? And I was like, nope. And they sounded fucking disappointed and wanted to talk to someone older. So, I took the phone, AND FUCKING THREW IT AT A JEW!

    The Masticators were supposed to happen today, but instead, no one showed up, and it was just the very very originals. I think I already told this story about the Frosty's.

    Matt Impelluso got his hurr did. And I left my cell phone in Jeff's car. God DAMN it.

    Tonight was the end of the end. I might as well just stick the box to Vanilla Sky up my asshole. Let me just say one thing - The War is over, We're over, and the fucking drama is over. And, the empire is still here.

  • Thursday - I give Misty her present. She likes it. Today was really awesome. It was group picture day, and that's just awesome because today in two periods, I did fucking nothing. Wait, I didn't do anything all day. Wait, that's my schedule for EVERY day. Wait, that's my schedule for the rest of my life. Fuck yeah!

    When I got home, I finished watching Vanilla Sky, thanks to Miranda. It was pretty good, but it didn't make me too horny. I was extremely disappointed at the first episode of the fourth season of the Sopranos. But that's about fucking it!

    I went to Jeremy's during the day to play some Soul Caliber, listen to hardcore music, most suitably Every Time I Die (download Floater, She's my Rushmore, and the Logic of Crocodiles). After that, I just went home, and now the Hot Babe Contest is up, the last I'll have to do with that.

    I realized last night, I've been letting down a SHITLOAD of you. What is wrong with me? I am so Ukranian. I hadn't updated in a long, long time. But, times have changed. The contest is over. Next week, revamping will take place. I still want to try for a fuckfest on Wednesday, but if its not possible, it's not possible. I plan on taking pictures of our little burn fest for Friday evening.

    Some sections of Go Digital you've never seen before are now in place. Next week, we will start the "Fuckfest" Dynasty. Every week till the fuckfests are over and Galveston III starts up the new year, there will be a new, brand new edition of each fuckfest. All of them will be in thumbnail format, something on heard of till the recent thumbnail explosion of TW in Late 2002. 2001 will be coming back to life and many of you will be shocked at us looking so young, fat, and disgusting.

    We are in a slump right now, and I apologize for the slump. It's a very slow and busy season, as many of you know. We got so much shit to do. But, we're coming closer and closer. We took Senior Pictures on Monday, we had Class Meeting about our Gowns and Invitations and shit on Tuesday, we have to turn all that shit in tomorrow, and when I look at the calendar, I smile. We have tomorrow and next week, and then a beautiful week of Matt Impelluso not shaving. And everyone loves to see that!

    Before I exit this column, I'd like to thank the following people for helping out with my struggles as of late: Rachel Barajas, Tommy McMahon, Jeremy Garrett, Miranda Bryant!!, Billy Brooks, Ashley Medows, Andrew Masterson, Allison Page, Stacey Stone, Katie Whiddon and Jesus Christ. Except just kidding on the last one. A kiss to all of you, on the mouth. Even to Jesus.

    IT'S TIME FOR US TO HAVE A GOOD FUCKING TIME! I'M SORRY FOR NOT WRITING IN A LONG TIME! THANKS TO BILLY BROOKS FOR SUPPLYING ONCE AGAIN THIS MONTH'S SERVER EXCHANGE!!!

    -Matt-