What's on My Mind

FUCKFESTS, Christmas Holidays

NDecember 1, 2003

A MUCH NEEDED WOMM!! "WE ARE GOING TO MAKE TREES AND MAKE LOVE TO THEM." What can you say for that being your introductory TW speech to Freshman President on the biggest website in Baytown? We are TW, alive and well, and finally getting back to normalities. If that's not a word, MAKE IT THE WORD OF THE DAY, AND IT'S NOW IN OXFORD!

"You say you want a war, I'm your fucking war" - The Horrid Affair

Most of you read the "Funniest Quotes" section. It was made by Kelly, who we all love and love and love, and like to make love to. To see funny ass pictures of Kelly, check out Target II. Target II was honestly one of the funniest things, if not the funniest thing we've ever done in our life. I'm sorry, but stealing a shopping cart from Target and trying to walk from Target to my house is fucking hilarious to me. What stupid, little freshmen we were....

Ok, I have many points of business to bring up today, and I'm going to start with a large one right....NOW!

OFFICIAL SCHEDULE!

OK EVERYONE! Tom and Rob and the entire world are like "Matt OMG when are you gonna update OMFG!! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU YOU FUCKING @#$% @#$% @#$% [Racial Slurs]"

Well, I know something pretty much for sure isn't going to happen: I am NOT going to New York for Christmas break. I have too many conflicts and I decided that I want to spend my last real Christmas home, even if it is alone with my father, but I don't mind that at all. We can go fishing, maybe even deer hunting, wait, FUCK THAT! LOLOL, I constantly make fun of these freshmen boys for deer hunting, and they laugh, and it makes me happy.

"Don't spoil the ending. Let the ripple run the eye for the honest absurd." - The Kidnap Soundtrack

During the Christmas Holidays, I've decided that one major fuckfest needs to go on. It will include the newest driver in Baytown, stinky Mexican Rachel "Smell the Cunt and you'll Smell Mexico City" Barajas, and hopefully, an ungrounded Kelly "If I fail another subject again Matt will fucking KILL ME" Kincl.

Now, here's the official TW fuckfests.

  • January 1, 2003 - I've read up today that the Metro Light Rail in Downtown Houston will properly working, but service won't start till January 2, 2003, officially. BUT, because of the grand opening, many people will get to ride free. I would like, if possible, to be on the inaugural test run with Houston Mayor Lee Brown and Mexican Prostitute Rachel...wait, sorry, depicting the future, SORRY. The Chronicle said that 8 stations will be holding festivities. And well, I LOVE that fucking idea. All of you know my obsession for public transportation, and for Tim's crotch, so I think it will be WONDERFUL if we can all get together on New Years (after our massive deaths from the night before, damn those caffinated beverages) and ride my obsession in life.

  • Janaury 2, 2004 - Galveston III, one of the most monumental and spiritual fuckfests of all time. The main members, and I hope his fucking asshole IS NOT WORKING AT THAT DAMN PAWN SHOP, Andrew Masterson, driver, and one of the founding fathers of Galveston (yes, back in the 1800's, Andrew fought an Indian named Squantino [Squanto's Mexican Brother] and killed him viciously and named the island "Galveston" after Andrew's great great great grandfather on his mother's side, Andrew McGalveston, from Ireland.) Tommy McMahon, obviously, is the second person, and absolutely obviously is me, because I wouldn't write about a fuckfest without me in it - there's no point. LOL.

    The major point about Janaury 2, 2004 is that on January 2, 2002, there was a fourth member of the party: Sheridan Hobson, who I began "dating" the next day officially. She came because I wanted to hang out with her, and Andrew and Tommy took her down as a favor for me, basically. Originally, Galveston I was never supposed to happen. Jonathan Yoo (The Communist Man) and Logan "Suck a Weiner, but make sure it's mine" Boatright decided to come crash the party in Clear Lake. Sheridan REFUSED to see either of them, and Andrew jetted down I-45 for me, and we ended up in Galveston.

    The reason why I bring this up is, I want to keep it as authentic as possible. We will need a fourth person, a girl, to come with us, but this girl has to be one of the most elite of the elite of all girls. That is why Rachel Barajas IS DEFINITELY NOT ON THE LIST for this position. Just kidding though, HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEY I LOVE YOU!!! Andrew, Tommy, and I will have talks about our nominations for this position. This is our last Galveston, so we have to make it incredible.

    Now, obviously, Andrew might want more or less people, he's driving, or we might have a different driver IF HE HAS TO WORK. But, hopefully, everything will go beautifully. All I know is, Tommy, Andrew and I are on the current list. TOUCH IT!

  • January 3, 2004 - The relatively girl-less day. After an all night thing with me talking about Sheridan, Andrew talking about the past with Ellen, and Tommy playing Tony Hawk 2, the third year anniversary needs to feature just the three of us, Andrew, Tommy, and myself, and it needs to be as fucking beautiful as the first time. We didn't do it last year, due to miscommunication between Brad, me, Andrew, and Tommy.

    The Galveston Fuckfest was special in many ways. It was freezing cold, and three good friends hanging out is always a beautiful thing. Hopefully, it will happen again this year, and we'll make love to sweet birds on the beach.

    "NO TOMMY, DON'T THROW YOUR DR.PEPPER AT ALL THE SEAGULLS!"
    " "WHOOPS....."

    TeknoPhreaKK: DUDE
    TeknoPhreaKK: my uncle said to feed the seagulls bacon
    TeknoPhreaKK: cuz they shit it out almost instantly!
    TeknoPhreaKK: we HAVE to do that
    PsYcHo MaTt 316: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

    GALVESTON III. COMING TO A THEATRE NEAR YOU.

    RUSSIAN BASTARDS!

    First off, I have a HUGE announcement to make. TW has never officially had any sort of holiday, and I know have to say that we are going to have a holiday. Since I hate Valentines Day, and since I've never had a Valentine (excluding Ms.Strubbe, oh God....OH GOD WHAT A HORRIBLE THING!) this is the perfect time to rebel.

    I would like to introduce to you, the newest member of the TW staff, Miranda. Miranda is pretty. Miranda is smart. Miranda is actually smarter than a lot of people. But most importantly, Miranda is now family. But, I call her something different - HER NAME IS MIR SPACE STATION! You know, that huge fucking Russian ship that was in space from like 1992 - 2002? Those fucking Communist bastards, even though I used to be considered a Communist.

    OK ANYWAY ENOUGH SAYING NICE THINGS ABOUT MIR SPACE STATION. THE GIRL. NOT THE SHIP. THE SHIP IS DEAD. SHE'S ALIVE. Ok, so she came up with a very incredible idea: February 13, the day before Valentines Day, is now a National "Don't come to school day," and in love for the creator, it is called "National Mir Day!" Now, February 19 is actually the day Mir went into orbit, and IT CAME TO A CRASHING HOLT ON MARCH 23, 2001.

    Plain and simple: February 13 - National Mir Day. Don't go to school. Spread it. Put this in your profile. This isn't a joke. This is a fucking Italian-Russian Revolution.

    Oh God! 3 weeks

    This is incredible. NEXT WEEK IS DEAD WEEK! I love fucking saying that, Dead Week. AND, I GOT THE FINAL EXAM SCHEDULE BEFORE MOST OF YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON! I'm not sure what the times are, but I'll tell you how it's set up.

    Next Week: For any Freshmen who don't know, or for anyone who has been living up their fucking penis hole / left ovary for the past three years, Dead Week is the term for absolute nothingness. It's a period in which everybody is supposed to study for Final Exams. Obviously, if you're reading this web-site, none of us have ever fucking done that, I will never EVER study for anything at Ross S Sterling High School, and I love to know that I will be exempting three classes this semester.

    This schedule is also for Lee:

  • WEDNESDAY, December 17 - 7th Period Exam
  • THURSDAY, December 18 - 1st, 2nd, and 3rd Period Exams
  • FRIDAY, December 19 - 4th, 5th, and 6th Period Exams

    Hopefully I won't have to go to school on Thursday and Friday, and I'm pretty sure I won't have to. I might have to for theatre, but that's just rapescout. It's an audition for the play "The Foreigner" and that's gonna be easier than fucking balltrash. (Tommy McMahon).

    Guys i have come up with the best marketing idea ever, i told amy earlier that girls who play instruments are instantly hotter, and i said that if they do it naked its better. then i had the BEST FUCKING idea. Amy, Megan, and Regina may be starting a band of sorts soon so i told them that they should all play naked on stage and it will be the greatest thing ever. they will have a massive male fan base, along with all the lesbians like rachel. If it can help blink 182's popularity, it sure can help theres, cuz they are obviously all hot and stuff - Kelly

    A Parade? A Hunt.

    As the school year comes to a final conclusion, there is also many things that bring the Holidays closer to all of us. Whether it's getting some love from a cow like Billy and the woman who sold him furniture at Fingers or Kelly getting penis enlargement for Christmas, many specific things occur that we have to be a little bit serious about. One of the things we can never be serious about is the FUCKING STUPID PARADE WE HAVE EVERY YEAR THAT IS JUST FULL OF SHIT. I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT SHIT THAT HAS CLOGGED ME AND JEREMY'S TOLIETS. I'M TALKING ABOUT COW SHIT, WITH NO SHROOMS.

    Let me give you my parade history:

    Freshman year - IT WAS SO COLD I HAD TO REGROW MY FUCKING NUTS.

    Sophomore Year - IT WAS SO COLD I HAD TO CUT OPEN MY FUCKING ASSHOLE BECAUSE THE ICE FROZE BOTH CHEEKS TOGETHER.

    Junior Year - I DIDN'T GO FOR WORRY I WOULDN'T HAVE ANY HOLES TO PISS OR SHIT OUT OF.

    Senior Year - I'M NOT TOO SURE WHAT I'M GONNA DO THIS YEAR, but I'm pretty fucking sure that it will not involve getting anything frozen on my body, because it's not going to be as cold as the last three years.

    Now, lets talk about something positive besides my fucking body turning into ice. The Ho Ho Ho Scavenger Hunt is honestly one of the most productive things Ross S Sterling High School does. We go around Baytown and collect food people don't need and bring them to the homeless. The team who gets the most food obviously, is the winner.

    Thanks to Nathan Prihoda, a good friend of ours who goes to St. Thomas now, we got third place last year. We took apart Kings Bend. We even met a guy who needed food on his own. But, since he was an asshole, he got no food, he got a fucking muddy carpet cause I stepped in a puddle and I didn't wipe my feet before going in his house. Fucking asshole.

    Anyway, anyone in Sterling should participate because honestly, it's a very incredible event. If a group invites you, please take advantage and go with them. The event is next week. If you don't take advantage, just eat some shit. Preferably, mine.

    THAT'S ALL FOR THIS WEEK. KELLY IS A PART OF THE NEW UNDERGROUND RAILROAD!!!

    Tommy McMahon - Niggers Aren't Right For My Type Of Farming