WOMM - 12-27-02

Ok, I'm typing right now on what you all envy. None of you have something this cool. If you do, you're just not as cool as me, because, well I have a Stan doll, and a poster that depicts the episode of when an artist painted Kramer. Yes, I have the painting. Thank you Nick, I love you baby.

This column is going to represent some wartime in our current society, because, there is some wars going on, a civil war between the preps and punks of the class of 2005, many of which came right after my statement on the "new preps" of 2005. Right now, the way I'm looking at it is, a new faction is coming into power - "I listen to Punk Rock Music and I don't give a shit about anyone wearing my clothes." This column is also going to include Mervyns, Target's younger brother in crime, getting its ass kicked. This column is also going to include why Christmas rocks, funny stories, why Taco Bell has the coolest fucking meal ever, and why this Christmas was so very awesome.

First off, before I begin any column, this is to a certain someone. Ex-communication isn't the key. You lose. You're the loser in the situtation. In history, when someone was excommunicated, usually they revolted later and succeeded in what they were going to accomplish. Usually, when that society is created that was excommunicated, the entire society hated the person or organization which excommunicated them. Well right now, mystery person that only I will speak of, (yeah, asking me who this is won't work, this is a direct statement) it comes down to this right here. The lies you have given to the high power himself and the deciet in the life you live have come down to this right moment. Second column of TW. You lose. I win. You lost everything you could have had. You lost any power you might have gained back.

My horoscope says I shouldn't put anyone on a pedestal above me - WHICH YOU WERE ON - AND NOW, THE PEDASTAL HAS FALLEN TO THE GROUND IN SO MANY PIECES NOT EVEN YOUR ALMIGHTY GOD HIMSELF CAN COUNT THEM!! MAY PEACE BE WITH US IN THIS TIME OF WAR!!

Mervyns? What?? I mean, ok, storms are awesome. Those of you that don't agree, get the hell out of here. I'm going to be opinionated and say, storms are awesome. Alright? GOOD, GLAD EVERYONE FUCKING AGREES. Now, storms can be awesome to this point: They can't kill anyone that means something to people (therefore, anyone with a head size bigger then 9 are allowed to die) and it can't do any significant damage that would ruin the population's economy.

Ok, none of that came in to play in this last windy storm we had, but for some reason, still standing without any damage is the Chili's construction office, a trailer, I might add, in the middle of the San Jack parking lot, just sitting there calmly.

This storm knocked off one entire panel of bricks from two sides of Mervyns, each side to the right of each Mervyns logo sign. There were bricks and insulation all over the place. It was a horrid mess. I got pictures in Go Digital for all of you to check out. Mervyns isn't destroyed, but it looks really funny. Now there's huge..I don't know, my mom said like plastic sheetings hanging over the sidess of the building.

The reason why I'm very...not really sad, but sort of uneasy about Mervyns dying is because Target, the official store of TW's fuckfests is also in the same company as Mervyns. So, lets be nice to Mervyns, even though it is quite the shittiest store in the world. So, if you'd like, go to Mervyns, give a quick prayer, flick it off only occasionaly instead of regularly now, and just go on with normal life.

Baytown Economics

What an insanely BORING AND SHITTY title for the following section, but many of you will agree with what I have to say.

How many of you honestly believe if the stores between Garth Road and Rollingbrook/Massey Tompkins (including K-Mart) and Garth Road and Cedar Bayou Lynchburg were totally destroyed, Baytown would no longer exist?

All of you that say Baytown would be called The Absolute Shittiest Place on Earth lose. You know why? Because we already are The Absolute Shittiest Place on Earth. Look at it, its in caps because America already gave us the title of The Absolute Shittiest Place on Earth. Ok, I'm getting tired of typing that.

What would happen if K-Mart, Walgreens, CVS, KFC, McDonalds, Schlotskys (I know that's wrong but who the fuck knows who to spell that anyway?), Shipleys, Exxon, Chevron, Kroger, Office Depot, Ross, Hobby Lobby, Target, Wal-Mart, and Home Depot and Lowes weren't in our lives anymore? We wouldn't have a city, you're absolutely right.

Now, why in the fucking hell did city planners decide that in this mile of road, they have to put EVERY STORE THAT MATTERS TO US SIDE BY SIDE, ESPECIALLY A WAL-MART AT ONE OF THE BUSIEST INTERSECTIONS IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING TOWN?

Ok, I'm bitching. You know this is getting somewhere. It took Nick and I 20 minutes to get from Garth Road and I-10 to Garth Road and 146. That's PATHETIC. It usually takes us like 5 minutes without any traffic. There were so many people on this strech of road, you might as well could have started the law where you need to car pool to get into this area. It was so busy. Target's parking lot was like, totally full. Kroger's was so full that you had to wait for parking, and Wal-Mart's can't fill up because its so huge but it almost did - which scares me, considering you could park your mom and your fat grandma there along with your fat grandma's entire family, which I might add will include your moms and yours, lol. I think they need to demolish Wal-Mart and put it where no one goes. Or, demolish Target. DEMOLISH SOMETHING OF IMPORTANCE and put it like, in those huge farm lands out on Main. I mean, really, who fucking farms and raised cattle that are of extreme importance? I say, fuck the cattle, fuck the agriculture, INDUSTRIALIZE! TWO WAL-MARTS OR TWO TARGETS IN BAYTOWN!! LETS' DO IT!!!

This subject is so stupid, I'm going to stop now, because its so damn dumb.

Taco Bell...

I don't care if you're Hispanic. If you don't like Taco Bell, its over. Being half Hispanic myself, I think Taco Bell is probably heaven on Earth, and its not because of the stupid Yo Quiero Taco Bell dog, its because of the new limited edition Fajita Grilled Stuft Burrito. Its possibly the sexiest thing since Stan's mom. Its - the most delicious item on Taco Bell's menu. You don't want one. You want two. You could be so full and want more. You just shove it in your mouth till the rice is dripping all over your jaw. Its so damn good.

Now, our Taco Bell sucks compared to the one in Clear Lake. Nick and I both would like to say that Kenney, the guy who checked us out at Taco Bell Bay Area Blvd, was the nicest, coolest, and most caring cashier/assistant to Taco Bell that we've ever seen. Not only was he funny, he got his job done. He was talking to people, he was cheerful, he was carefree. These are the people that should be paid 50 bucks an hour. Fuck people who work at like, Target or something, that stand for hours and hours with a grouchy face looking at the next customer and giving a fake "Hi, Thanks for shopping at Target, would you like to spank my ass now?" I'm sick of it. I mean, if I worked at Target, I'd hate everyone, but since I don't, and the only reason I go in there is to have fuckfests or shop or destroy the place, I don't care. But, for God sake, (this isn't directed to any cashier at all), if you're a cashier, be a cashier, do your job, and care about your customer. Kenney might not be working for Taco Bell, but he was working for us.

Finally, just, Taco Bell rules. Get that meal. Its the coolest thing ever. If you don't like it, don't be surprised if Nick and I hunt you down and your being chased down by a very sexy van aka Alpha Centauri Space Station II.

Scaryness

Ok, its dream time, and I get to tell you about my dreams. YAY YAY YAY, AREN'T YOU JUMPING OUT OF YOUR SEAT TOUCHING YOUR BUTT WITH TOTAL EXCITEMENT???? Good.

Dream #1 - I think I shoot someone, and the guy I shoot was in a gang. Well, some very pretty clean hair-cut Mexican comes up to me, and shoots me five times in the chest. Well, you would think, if you hate me of course, "Wow, Matt's gonna die, awesome!" Too bad, I spoiled your best love story ever. Matt doesn't die, he lives!

Why do I live? I have no idea. I show everyone my wounds. They're like all in my upper chest. I tell all my friends I'm going to die, and I hug them, and they all start crying. Its like, the longest good bye you get in the world. Then, I told my parents, and they cried forever too. The stupidest thing EVER though was, I went to my school's open house that night!!

At the end of the dream, I think someone finally convinced me that if I was living that long after these horendous shots to my chest, I should go to the hospital and get them out of me so I won't have to die. At the end, all I can say was, "I'm going to be lifeflighted to Memorial Hermann" and then the dream ends.

What a stupid ass dream. Jesus Christ.

The next weird thing that happened to me was the night of the storm. Basically, I'm going to paste my conversation with Herbie on here.

PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:16:04 AM): ok, i was talking to tommy
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:16:06 AM): on the phone
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:16:14 AM): and all of a sudden hes like matt? matt? are you there?
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:16:18 AM): and dude, i can hear him perfectly
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:16:23 AM): and i'm like tommy, i'm right here
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:16:36 AM): and i IM kelly cause kelly's there and he's talkign to tommy and i can hear them talking
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:16:49 AM): about me not being able to talk back to them and hear them
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:16:59 AM): and so tommy's like ok dude, i'll call back in a second
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:17:06 AM): ok, so i hang up and wait
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:17:08 AM): 5 seconds later
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:17:15 AM): he says, dude, its busy, and i'm like, wtf, busy?
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:17:24 AM): i pick up the phone, dude, it was the weirdest beeping noise EVER
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:17:33 AM): i was so scared, i'm shaking writing about it right now, LOLOL
FurtherSeemsNear (1:17:36 AM): what made the beep so weird? lolol
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:17:44 AM): i picked up the other phone and it was doing the same thing!
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:17:50 AM): dude, it wasn't like BEEEP BEEEP BEEEP
FurtherSeemsNear (1:17:58 AM): whoa, insane
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:17:59 AM): it was BEPBEPBEPBEPBEP really fast
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:18:06 AM): like a really fast tempo
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:18:10 AM): ok, it was like punk music tempo
FurtherSeemsNear (1:18:13 AM): lol
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:18:19 AM): and the regular beep is like, slow classical
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:18:35 AM): ok so anyway, i run to the living room to tell my parents how scared i am, and the phone comes back to life
FurtherSeemsNear (1:18:51 AM): what'd your parents say?
PsYcHo MaTt 316 (1:19:04 AM): LOL, my mom thought i was going crazy and was talking to me like i was a little kid
FurtherSeemsNear (1:19:08 AM): lol

So, anyway, I'm scared, really scared.

Quick ?'s

Number 1 - If you're anti-commericalist, doesn't that mean you can't buy anything as long as its in America? Well, lets see, if you don't, you die, because you can't by food or water. And, you can't get food or water from anyone else because you're being a hypocrite: They bought the food as well. So, go to your fucking forest, you stupid anti-commericalist, and lap up your disgusting ditch water.

Number 2 - If you have a picture of you and a lead singer of any band in the room, and suddenly you start hating that band, isn't your middle name Dumbass? Thanks!!

Number 3 - If you have a crush on a girl and you want to win her heart over, why would you make her feel bad? Stupid FUCKS!

Number 4 - Why doesn't everyone have a wireless keyboard and mouse duo, especially a black one with awesome hot keys on it, because guys, that's the fucking way to go.

Number 5- Who's the best new band in Houston who brought in 243 PEOPLE?!?!?! WALKING 49!!! THEY WON BATTLE OF THE BANDS, AND HEY, I DON'T CARE IF WALKING49.COM LOOKS LIKE A PILE OF HORSE SHIT COMPARED TO THE WARZONE, BUT DAMN IT, I MADE THAT PILE OF HORSE SHIT, AND ITS NOT THE QUALITY OF THE SITE - but the quality of the damn band itself. I love you guys. Last night was awesome.

Number 6 - This isn't a question, but Frankie, you're fucking crazy.

The next WOMM

The next WOMM will be one that you haven't read in a year, which means, yes boys and girls, but mostly girls since all of you have vaginas, its Year in Review time of The Warzone. So, get ready for mad depressionists when I talk about how fucked up the life of the owner was this year, and how The Warzone had its ups and downs, but finally made the sexiest thing ever - coming back to life as its own server.

Anyway, I'm going to go. Excuse the anger at the top. Oh, pertaining to that war of punks vs preps, really, the first couple of questions have to be answered. Basically, I hate Anti-Flag, I think they sound like big pieces of shit. I hate them. Sue me if you want. But, when they say they're anti-commercialist, they lie. They only say that in their music to be cool. They have to buy clothes. They have to buy food. Don't listen to a "band" for your political views. Listen to the politicians, or put your own politician up there to make up the new rules. America can't live in Anarchy. TW isn't anti-government where we don't WANT a government, we want a BETTER government. TW isn't anti-school where we don't want school (well we don';t actually) but we want a school without 35 cent id badges, a school where you can wear hats, bring electronic devices, shit like that. School without the rules. TW however, is anti-prep, so get your niggy asses out of here if you posess the quality to tell people you have a more expensive shirt then your friend.

My name is Matt Impelluso, and I am the webmaster of two incredible sites, and the owner of one. You shouldn't have taken advantage of my niceness.